Productivity At Work - Quality VS Quantity

Wow ... Time files ... February is coming to an end and tomorrow is 1 March 2009 already.
And this is my 1st post for February!? .... Shucks ... too damn busy with work.

Anyway, here's something about being productive at work ... I like the last part!! :D



QUALITY vs quantity, UX process
Check email ONLY:

* 10AM
* 1PM
* 4PM

Send any time
Set email to check every 3 hours
NO email on evenings
NO email on weekends
EMERGENCY? = Use phone

FOCUS 1-3 Activities max/day
LOG 1-3 Succinct status bullets every day on team wiki

MINIMIZE chat
MAXIMIZE single-tasking

OUT by 5:30PM
~No excuses~


Credits to Caterina

Quotes about Life

Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us.

Earl Nightingale

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth.

Chinese Proverb

The Best Things in Life are Free.

B.G. DeSylva, Lew Brown, and Ray Henderson

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

John Lennon

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.

Winston Churchill

Live dangerously and you live right.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once.

Lillian Dickson

A successful life is one that is lived through understanding and pursuing one's own path, not chasing after the dreams of others.

Chin Ning Chu

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Mark Twain

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Buddha

People know you for what you've done, not for what you plan to do.

Unknown Author

Desire

An old prospector wandered into a small town where he was accosted by a loud, obnoxious and quite drunken cowboy. The cowboy pointed his six-shooters in the old miner's direction and asked, "Old man, do you know how to dance?"

"Nope," the prospector replied.

"Maybe you'd better learn," said the cowpuncher. Hot lead kicked up dust around the old man's feet and he began to dance.

Soon, however, the guns were empty. Now the old prospector reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a sawed-off shotgun.

"Son," he said, "you ever kissed a mule?"

Looking first at the shotgun, then at the spot where the mule's tail is attached to its body, the young cowboy got the message. "Nope," he answered, "I never kissed a mule. But I always wanted to!"

Desire is another word for wanting to do something. And in real life, desire is not something that can be given by anyone else. If there is something you want to do, it is probably not because somebody is holding a gun to your head. You just want to do it. Your desire comes from the inside.

If you decide you want to improve, if you want a meaningful relationship or more fulfilling work, if you want a rich spiritual life or a healthier body, then the desire must come from your own heart. Nobody can make you want those things. They can support you and even inspire you, but only you can make it happen.

There may be a hundred reasons we think we can't be the people we want to be. But there is really only one. We don't want it badly enough.

It was George Washington Carver, an African American who probably did have a hundred reasons not to change his circumstances, who a century ago said, "Most people search high and wide for the keys to success. If they only knew, the key to their dreams lies within."

And that key is labeled "desire."

-- Steve Goodier

10 Very Short Ghost Stories

Do you like to read ghost stories?

Do you like to read short stories?

How about short ghost stories?

Check out blogger Old Beng - his 10 very short ghost stories in Chinese ... Really creepy!

Know Your Personality

Want to know more about your personality from your fingerprints?
Is it accurate for you?

Check out this post by blogger Twilight Zone.
I like his style - bold, sometimes crude and always entertaining.

Cheers :)

Cheap, Good and Fast Service?

Saw this posted by blogger Agnes Tan
So true .... You think leh?

Effective Leaders

A young officer in the Army discovered that he had no change when he tried to buy a soft drink from a vending machine. He flagged down a passing private and asked him, "Do you have change for a dollar?"

The private said cheerfully, "I think so. Let me take a look."

The officer drew himself up stiffly and said, "Soldier, that is no way to address a superior. We'll start all over again. Do you have change for a dollar?"

The private came to attention, saluted smartly, and said, "No, sir!"

Each of us commands some authority. There are or will be those we guide, supervise, rear, mentor or lead. Some of us will be effective and others will feel as if we're running a cemetery: we've got a lot of people under us and nobody's listening.

Much has been written and taught about leadership, but I find that at least four traits are common in all people of authority who effectively elicit cooperation and respect from those who look up to them. Whether you are a parent, whether you find yourself in the workplace, sitting on a volunteer committee or teaching someone a new skill, these traits will help you effectively guide those who would seek to follow.

These good leaders are...

L isteners. They take time to listen to the suggestions and concerns of those they endeavor to lead.

E ncouragers. They don't try to do it all themselves. Neither do they motivate by force or guilt. They encourage others and help bring out their best.

A ssertive. They say what needs to be said without being unkind. They tell the truth as they see it, openly and frankly.

D ecisive. They know what needs to be done and they make timely, even difficult, decisions when necessary. But they can also take charge without running over the people in their lives.

In short, good leaders L-E-A-D!

It's said that the trouble with being a leader today is that you can't be sure whether people are following you or chasing you. But those who will develop these four traits are sure to find that their authority will be valued and respected.

-- Steve Goodier

Little Things

When I was in college, I shared an American Thanksgiving supper with friends. We spent the day cooking together – turkey, potatoes, green beans, yams and, of course, dinner rolls. I was in charge of the rolls. Looking back, that may have been a mistake.

I love to eat raw dough. Most any kind will do – cookie dough, cake batter, biscuit dough, bread dough – you get the idea. So I rolled out the yeast dough, sliced off a corner and ate it, rolled some more, sliced and ate, rolled, sliced, ate…. I don't know how much of the dough I consumed before the rolls hit the oven, but I remember it as a wonderful afternoon. Until about a half-hour later.

Yeast, it seems, likes a dark, moist, warm environment. In me, it found one and did what yeast does best – it grew. And grew. And grew.

After a while my stomach was distended and I felt like the Pillsbury Dough Boy with a burping disorder.

It was soon time for supper and I felt too full to eat anything. All of that scrumptious food and I couldn't eat.

That day I gained a new respect for the power of yeast; it doesn't take much to make a big difference.

Little things make a big difference. Little things like yeast. Little things like kindness.

Douglas, a fifteen year old boy who lived in Missouri (USA), had been feeling badly for several days. His mother Donna took him to the emergency room where blood tests revealed one of the most frightening things a parent can learn about a child. Her son was diagnosed with leukemia.

Douglas' life changed. He began a routine of blood transfusions, spinal and bone marrow tests and chemotherapy. The physical trauma was one thing, but he also became depressed. And who wouldn't? He lost his former life, his healthy self. All of those exciting dreams and plans a young boy has for his future vanished, and in their place all he could see was somebody with cancer. Somebody who may or may not live long. Somebody whose life would be very different than before.

He had a good hospital and good doctors. But he did not have hope.
And without it, he was in serious jeopardy.

Douglas' aunt called a florist close to the hospital. She wanted the sales clerk to be aware of the flower arrangement's significance. "I want the planter to be especially attractive. It's for my teenage nephew who has leukemia," she told the clerk.

"Oh," said the sales clerk. "Let's add some fresh-cut flowers to brighten it up."

When the floral arrangement arrived, Douglas opened the envelope and read the card from his aunt. Then he saw something unusual.

It was another card. The second card read:

"Douglas--I took your order. I work at (this floral shop).
I had leukemia when I was seven years old.
I'm 22 years old now.
Good luck. My heart goes out to you.

Sincerely,
Laura."

Douglas smiled. He finally felt some real hope. And why not? Here was a person who also had cancer and new she was 22 and working! If she could do it, so could he. Douglas found what he needed. He found the will to live.

Little things make a big difference. Little things like kindness and encouragement and hope. Little things all of us can give.

And it doesn't take much to make a big difference.

-- Steve Goodier

So this is Christmas

A merry merry Christmas to all!!

Share with you my favourite Christmas song ... Enjoy :)

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

Eyes on the Shore

A story is told about a bloodhound chasing a stag. A fox crossed the path, so the hound chased the fox. After a while a rabbit crossed the path, so the hound chased it. Later, a mouse crossed the path and the hound chased the mouse into a hole. The hound began his hunt on the trail of a magnificent stag and ended up watching a mouse hole!

Not that there is anything wrong with spontaneity. Some of the most wonderful things have come into my life by beautiful accident. But there is also something to be said for knowing where we want to go.

Florence Chadwick learned the importance of keeping a goal in mind on July 4, 1952. She waded into the Pacific Ocean off Catalina Island and began swimming toward the California coast 26 miles away. The day was cold and her attendants drove off sharks throughout the journey.

Florence had already swum the English Channel twice and, if she could finish today, she would be the first woman to have swum both. But after fifteen hours in the water, for the first and only time in her long-distance swimming career, she gave up and climbed into the escort boat. Others had urged her on, but in the fog they could not tell her how near she was to the coast. She later learned that she was less than half a mile from shore.

When asked by a reporter why she gave up, Florence replied: "It was the fog. If I could have seen land, I could have finished. But when you can't see your goal, you lose all sense of progress and you begin to give up."

On a warm, sunny day two months later Florence Chadwick swam the Catalina Channel, handily beating the men's record. Only when she kept her eyes on the shore did she eventually arrive there.

Keeping that goal constantly in sight will get you where you want to go.

-- Steve Goodier

We Need Each Other

Many living things need each other to survive.

I have lived for most of my life near trees known as Colorado aspens. If you are familiar with this tree, you may have noticed that it does not grow alone. Aspens are found in clusters, or groves. We're told that the reason for this is because aspens can multiply from the roots. They send up lots of new shoots every year. These become saplings that grow quickly and make new baby aspens of their own. In some groves, all of the trees may actually be connected by their roots. It is as if they are one tree.

Another tree, the giant California redwood, may tower 300 feet into the sky. We've seen pictures of tunnels carved into massive trunks wide enough to drive an automobile through. It seems they would require the deepest of roots to anchor them against strong winds. But instead their roots are actually shallow -- they spread out wide in search of surface water. And they reach in all directions, intertwining with roots of other redwoods. Locked together in this way, all the trees support each other in wind and storms.

Aspens and redwoods never stand alone. They need one another to survive.

People, too, are connected by a system of roots. We grow up in families that nurture and guide us. We learn early to make friends who support us in different ways. We are not meant to survive long without others. And like the giant redwoods, we do best when we hold onto one another and help each other to keep standing through life's storms. We need others to hold us up, encourage us and to stand with us.

When I'm not doing well, it is often because I am going it alone. I don't always let others in. I forget to ask for help; I keep my problems to myself. And though I may not see it, others around me might be doing the same thing.

It helps to remember how much like those trees we really are. It might be time to let someone else help hold you up for a while. Or perhaps someone needs to hang on to you.

-- Steve Goodier

You just need a PocketMod

If you don’t have a fancy Pocket PC or organizer, dun fret ... With PocketMod, you don’t need one!
Let's check it out!

So, what is a PocketMod?

Believe it or not, but it’s not another electronic gadget. You actually just need a piece of paper and you can use it as a personal organizer. And best of all, it's completely customizable!

Just follow the instructions on the website and you are all set to go!!

Hope you find this useful in helping you get organised ... :)

Interesting photos

Simply amazing

Just saw this video on a fellow blogger's blog ... and i find it simply amazing, unbelievable talent.

Watch it and i bet you will be amazed, too ... Heehee

Loving Life Again

Dave was struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walked up to him and asked, "Have you got the time?"

Dave sighed, put down the large and cumbersome suitcases and spoke to his wristwatch. "Time please."

"The time is five thirty," came a voice somewhere in the timepiece.

"Wow! What a watch!" exclaimed the stranger.

Dave brightened a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out. The time in Japanese, please." The watch responded in Japanese. Then Dave asked for German and Swahili and a realistic voice gave the time in those languages. And then, "What time is it in London?" Dave asked, "with a British accent?" The device gave it to him.

The stranger was incredulous. "Watch this," said Dave. "Home monitor," he said to the wrist-watch. Immediately a 3-dimensional hologram projected in the space between the two men that perfectly displayed his living room. He could even see a half inch of coffee in the bottom of a cup he'd left on the table earlier in the day.

"Unbelievable!" said the stranger.

Then Dave spoke to the device. "Leave a voice message for Sharon that the bus is late and send flowers to my sister for her birthday. And give me the 5 O'clock news."

"Done, done and done," the voice confirmed. Suddenly a high-resolution hologram screen appeared in front of Dave. The two men felt as if they were sitting in the television studio watching the newscast.

The stranger was struck dumb with admiration. The display was of unbelievably high quality and the voice was simply astounding.

"Now, look at this -- `wedding photos'" Dave said the timepiece. Photos of his recent wedding appeared in front of them as if they were floating on air. "And play Bach," he said, and music filled the space as the wedding album scrolled.

"This timepiece is a super powerful voice-activated computer. In addition, it is in contact with most of the world's major satellites. And it is also a two-way radio that reaches halfway around the globe."

"I want to buy that watch!" said the stranger.

"Oh no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs." said Dave.

"I've got to have that watch!" said the stranger.

"No, you don't understand; it's not ready ..."

"I'll give you $10,000 for it!" interrupted the stranger.

"Oh, no, I've already spent more than ..."

"Then make it $20,000!" the stranger blurted. "Or just name your price."

"But it's just that ..."

The stranger pulled out a fat wallet. "All right -- $50,000. I'll give you the cash now."

Dave blinked. He could always make another device and $50,000 would give him a nice profit.

The stranger thrust the money at Dave. "Here, take it! I have to catch my bus."

Dave made his decision. "Okay," he said, and took off the timepiece.

The stranger smiled and hurried away. "Hey, wait a minute!" called Dave.

The man turned back warily. Dave pointed to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station and said, "Don't forget your batteries."

I think life is like that for some people. What should be wonderful and exciting is complicated and burdensome. It is as if they are dragging heavy baggage wherever they go. They feel tied down (to a job? to a lifestyle? to a relationship?) and long for simpler times.

Many people wish their lives were less complicated. They remember a carefree time and dream of returning to a simpler day. They yearn for more freedom. Less worry and more laughter. If only they could trade some of today's complexity for yesterday's simplicity.

American essayist and novelist Charles Dudley Warner said, "Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough."

Rudyard Kipling yearned for less when he said, "Teach us to delight in simple things."

Author Augustus Hare observed that "the greatest truths are the simplest -- and so are the greatest men."

Maybe it's time to make a decision for greatness; a decision for simplicity. Maybe it's time to let go of that which weighs you down and walk with a lighter step. Maybe it's time to love life again.

-- Steve Goodier

No More With Me

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me! I don't mean to hold you up," he said as he struggled to get off the escalator.

I'll admit to it. There have been times when walking or driving behind an older person that I've gotten impatient and upset. I've huffed and zoomed around them, because I was in a hurry to get nowhere. Perhaps I'm more aware of it now, because I see myself there one day soon. Today, I saw myself in this old man's shoes and it caused me to slow down, stop and ask for his forgiveness.

He was about five or six people ahead of me. I was in a hurry and saw him as an obstacle. I've seen people get off the end of an escalator and stop dead in their tracks, gather their things and suddenly, there's a pile up of angry people behind them. You can't stop an escalator full of people behind you. Like the Energizer bunny, they keep on going.

This man was well aware of the challenge. He tried desperately to step aside. Fumbling with his small packages, struggling to gain his footing, you could see how troubling this was for him. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me! I don't mean to hold you up," he said as he struggled to get off the escalator.

I suddenly saw this in a whole new light. It was like I was watching my future. I felt sorry for him. I felt sick to my stomach because this man was apologizing to everyone, when we should have been helping him and calming his fears.

One by one, people zipped around him. I heard a few angry comments whispered as one lady passed by him.

I saw me.

By the time I got to him, he was just about steady on his feet.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know there was more," he said.

"No, sir. No more with me," I said. This really hit me hard. I realized right then how sad it was that the world was in such a hurry. That, of course, included me. But no more with me. Count me out.

This wonderful man paid his dues. For whatever time he had spent on this earth, he most likely walked many rough roads and too many important miles. Now, he should be apologizing for moving slower?

My heart ached as I looked into his eyes. I wished I could see what he had seen all those years. His face weathered from life itself, was creased and wrinkled. The small soft pockets under his eyes and the gentle lines that curved up and around them told me he had many happy moments, too. Those were traces left behind from laughter and a smiling, happy man.

"My friend, can I help you with those things?" I asked.

Hesitant at first, he finally said, "Well, yes, thank you!"

I placed my hand under his left arm and walked with him a safe distance away from the rush of people.

"So, what are you shopping for, sir?"

"Oh, just a little something for my neighbor. She's a young mother raising kids on her own. She's always so nice to me. I thought a box of candy," he said, stopping suddenly as he searched the inside pocket of his sport coat.

"Do you need something?" I asked.

"Oh, no. Here. I think I have it right here. I always carry them with me," he said. Then pulling out a hand full of papers, he shuffled through them and handed me a business card that read:

"John A. Pomicter: Friend to all. Enemy to no one!"

"I said a prayer today and you were the answer. Thank you!"

"That's for you," he said. "Thanks for stopping to help an old man."

"My friend, you helped me. I discovered that I was unhappy with the world and I was part of the problem. Now, I'll be part of the solution. No more with me!"

"Then this was meant to be," he said smiling.

"You know God sends me gifts everyday and always at least one special person. You were my gift for today. Let's go get some chocolates, my friend!"

--Unknown

Gifted for Something?

I heard of a woman who operated a daycare for children from her home. As she transported children in her car one day, a fire truck zoomed by. The kids were thrilled to see a Dalmatian on the front seat, just like in the old-time stories.

They began a conversation about the duties of a "fire dog." One child suggested that they use the dog to keep the crowds back. Another said the Dalmatian is just for good luck. But young Jamie brought the argument to an end when he said, "They use the dog to find the hydrant!"

He reminds us that we all have useful abilities, if sniffing out fire hydrants is a useful ability. Some of our skills are apparent. Some are hidden. Some probably haven't even been discovered. Some can be improved with work -- lots of mine fall into this category.

Madame Marie Curie, the first woman to win a Nobel Prize (she won two), said this about giftedness: "Life is not easy for any of us, but what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained."

I like that. "We must believe that we are gifted for something." Do you believe you are gifted for something? Do you know what that "something" is?

American football's William Floyd probably thought his athletic ability was his greatest gift. But then he injured his knee halfway through his 1995 season with the San Francisco Forty-Niners. The talented athlete was out for the rest of the season. It was then that he found a gift he may not have known he possessed.

William Floyd still wanted to contribute and he did NOT want his self pity to spill over to the rest of the team. So he stood on the sidelines at every workout and in every game and encouraged his teammates on. He shouted and cajoled; he motivated and consoled; he became a dominating presence and a source of great inspiration for his team. He had a remarkable ability for bringing out the best in others.

At the end of the year, his teammates voted him the player "who best exemplifies inspirational and courageous play." As much as they needed him on the field, they discovered how much they needed him on the sidelines, urging them to do and to be their best. I wonder if his newly-found life skill, his gift of positive motivation, could prove more useful than even his athletic ability?

What if we believed we were "gifted for something"? What difference would that make?

And what if we believed we should do something about it? What difference would that make? What difference COULD that make?

I think a lot of life is about finding that out.

-- Steve Goodier

What I've Learned

Here is one brief summary of a life's learnings:

Age 5: I learned that things are easier when someone is holding your hand.

Age 10: I learned to never blow in a cat's ear.

Age 15: I learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

Age 20: I learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

Age 25: I learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Age 30: I learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

Age 35: I learned that if I want to do something positive for my children, I should work to improve my marriage.

Age 40: I learned that the greater people's sense of guilt, the greater their need to blame others.

Age 45: I learned that I can never allow the disappointments of life to steal my enthusiasm.

Age 50: I learned that I can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

Age 55: I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.

Age 60: I learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

Age 65: I learned that I shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. I need to be able to throw something back.

Age 70: I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

Age 75: I learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

Age 80: I learned that even suffering has its gifts.

Age 85: I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

Age 90: I learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

Isn't it true? If we're not learning, we're not improving. If we're not improving, we're not growing. And if we're not growing, we're not living.

Some people worry about dying. I am more concerned with living - as well and as fully as possible.

Learn - improve - grow - live. Learn as if you might live forever and you'll live as if you might die tomorrow.

-- Steve Goodier

The Law of Attraction

There is a fundamental law of attraction in the universe that guides people’s lives and is the underlying power behind all things.

This law was expressed by Napoleon Hill when he said, “We become what we think about.” This profound truth has been stated in many different languages and cultures throughout history. In the second century of the Common Era, the Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius said “Our life is what our thoughts make it.” This idea has been developed over time and has now become a central tenet in many spiritual traditions.

Its truth has spread to many people and has more recently been expressed in a popular quote:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

—UNKNOWN

Earl Nightengale has referred to the law of attraction as “The Strangest Secret”. When asked by his readers, “Why do you call it the strangest secret?” he explains that it is a secret that is really “no secret” at all. It’s not because the law of attraction is hidden from view that makes it so strange.

In fact, it isn’t hidden. It’s extremely obvious and yet nobody seems to be aware of it. “We become what we think about” is no “secret” at all and that’s what makes it so strange.

Keeping a positive attitude certainly isn’t an easy thing to do. Each day, people will tell themselves many negative things. These negative ideas will sometimes be expressed in the light of day by a seemingly happy person and yet, when we get to know the people who are thinking these ideas, we may find that they are actually quite depressed and afraid of many things. People make a lot of decisions based on these negative feelings and it isn’t always apparent how much it is affecting their lives. It will often appear to be quite bad when you take a closer look inside.

The negative tendencies that people pursue in their lives often help to confirm the initial fears that they have. They lose their jobs, their friends and their closest loved ones to problems that seem beyond their control. This seems impossible to change and yet, the law of attraction tells us something different.

People’s thoughts and decisions often promote the very kind of negative evidence that they initially set out to prove. They are the very cause of their own problems! The negative ideas that people project often function in a similar manner as a “self-fulfilling prophecy”. By focusing on the negative, the negative comes to pass. The law of attraction tells us that, whatever we give our attention to becomes our point of attraction. It becomes the thing that we magnetize into our lives. This is even true for the things we try to separate ourselves from or fight against because we find that we are still giving these “negative” things our constant attention.

Take an example. Someone decides that the worst thing in the world would be for their loved one to leave them. They worry about this day and night. It is their worst fear and they can’t get it out of their mind. As they focus on this fear, they find that they simply cannot trust the person they are with. They are constantly second guessing this person and accusing them of the fears they hold inside. Instead of showing them love and affection, they are actually driving this person away.

Getting over our fears and negative emotions can be quite a challenge when we are applying the law of attraction in our lives. In order to be successful and attract what is positive, it is helpful to see the challenges ahead. If we know what to expect in terms of the law of attraction, we will be prepared to attract only the things that are truly best for us in our lives. In this way, we will avoid the fears and confusions and find the love and understanding along the way.

Misunderstandings kill a relationship

I first read this story on Kenny's blog and it moved me to tears.

If you think this only happens on TV dramas, think again ....

人生如戏，戏如人生

Life is like a show, only that the show will go on until we leave this world.

I hope this will touch your heart and cherish your loved ones and relationships.

Read on ....


Part 1

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world is gone forever.

This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by LSX, translated by SaFe).

Cruel misunderstandings, one after another, disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intent of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother."

Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment and put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her country-side habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get used to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.

Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wake up early to prepare the breakfast. In her view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example, she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?"

Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in a dilemma as to who to
please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean, that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me, with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day. Mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have no appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor."

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?

Throughout the funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in a daze toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the country-side. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...

In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.


Part 2

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death, so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.

"LD, you are pregnant?"

Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seem so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.

I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He have forgotten that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at me and our son, his eyes teared with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tears for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that...

The computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has thatchance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary school, to university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on when to give what are all written on the packaging..."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...


The End


Note: This story is originally from www.mykuaci.com