Sep 11, 2013
Remembering Singapore
Sama-sama maju ke hadapan
Pandai cari pelajaran
Jaga diri dalam kesihatan
Serta sopan-santun dengan kawan-kawan
Dengan hati bersih serta suci
Sama-sama hormat dan berbudi
Jaga tingkah pemuda-pemudi
Adat dan budaya junjung tinggi
Capailah lekas cita-cita pemudi-pemuda
Supaya kita ada harga di mata dunia
Kalau kita lengah serta lupa
Hidup kita sia-sia
Jiwa besar sihat serta segar
Rajin dengan sabar tentu bahagia
Lemah lembut perangai pemudi
Cergas tangkas wataknya pemuda
Suka rela selalu berbakti
Sikap yang pembela dan berjasa
Capailah nama yang mulia pemudi-pemuda
Rajinlah supaya berjaya semoga bahagia
English translation:
Together we progress onward
Clever at seeking knowledge
Take care of your health
And be courteous to your friends
With a heart that is clean and pure
Together we respect and do good
Watch your behaviour, oh youths
Customs and cultures, hold them high
Quickly reach your ambitions, oh youths
So that we'll have our worth, in the eyes of the world
If we are lazy and forgetful
Our lives are for nothing
A good soul, a healthy and fresh mind
Hard work and patience, definitely brings happiness
Soft-spoken is the lady
Energetic and tenacious is the man
Charitable, always contributing
Protecting and giving service
Attain a respectable position, oh youths
Be hardworking so that you will succeed, may you achieve happiness
Sep 1, 2013
Why We Need to Help Others
There is actually a reason that we need to help others. If a blind person is in danger of falling down a cliff because they cannot see and you have eyes to see that person's life is in danger and arms to hold them, it doesn't matter if that person doesn't ask you to help them. Your help does not depend on their asking you for it. Just having the capacity to help is itself enough reason for us to run to that person and grab them before they fall down the cliff.
We have the same need to help other sentient beings--and it doesn't depend on their personally asking for our help. We should help them simply because we have the capacity, or potential, to help them now.
And even if we don't have the capacity to help them now, we can develop it by increasing our compassion and wisdom so that we can benefit others more and more deeply. The more compassion and wisdom we are able to develop, the more power we will have to liberate others from all suffering and its cause, which is within them, on their mental continuum. The cause of their suffering is their karma and delusions, their mistaken ways of thinking, and the negative imprints left by them on their mental continuum. We have every opportunity to develop our capacity, our compassion and wisdom, and be able to help others. Because we have the opportunity, we should help others.
The basic reason that we need to help others is simply that others are suffering and need our help and we have opportunity to help them now and to further develop our potential to help others.
This is the reason that I normally give as to why we need to help others. It is a clean-clear pure reason: it is simply that a sentient being is suffering and needs our help. Of course, you incidentally get a lot of benefit from helping others. You get skies of benefit when you help others sincerely from your heart, by knowing that the meaning of your being born as a human being at this time is to serve others. The purpose of your life is to serve others. When we serve others with this knowledge and with compassion, our everyday life brings us so much peace, happiness, and satisfaction. Our inner life is then full rather than empty.
In this world there are billionaires and other wealthy people whose attitude to life is not one of serving others but of using others for their own happiness. Their main aim is to make themselves happy and to avoid problems for themselves, but rather than searching for satisfaction from within their own mind, they look to achieve satisfaction from outside themselves. Even though they might be very comfortable externally, their inner life is miserable and filled with dissatisfaction. Their inner life is sad and empty.
There needs to be a total change of mind by thinking, "The purpose of my life is to serve others. Why have I been born a human being, with this rare and precious human body? I have received it to serve others, to free others from all their suffering and to bring them all happiness: the happiness of this life and of future lives and the ultimate happiness that is free from all suffering and all causes of suffering (karma and delusions, or negative emotional thoughts), especially the highest happiness of enlightenment. To bring them all this happiness is the purpose of my life."
Serving others with a sincere heart brings us so much peace and satisfaction every day. When we do the work sincerely, it gives us so much peace, happiness and fulfillment. We feel happy, and we see our life as meaningful. It fills our life with happiness and satisfaction now and also ensures that we have the best future.
By serving others with a sincere heart, we have the best future. Helping to look after people who are sick and dying is itself the best preparation for our own death. By taking care of others--whether one or many--we collect so much merit and purify so much negative karma, and this means our death will come easily and without fear. Fear of death doesn't come from outside, but from within our own mind, because of our delusions and negative karma. Fear is the result of attachment and other negative emotional thoughts and of the negative karma collected in the past. By serving others with a sincere mind in our everyday life, we purify so much of those negative karmas and develop a good heart.
Excerpted from a talk Kyabje Lama Zopa Rinpoche gave to the workers at Cittamani Hospice Service, April 2000. Edited by Ven. Ailsa Cameron. You can read the entire talk here.
We have the same need to help other sentient beings--and it doesn't depend on their personally asking for our help. We should help them simply because we have the capacity, or potential, to help them now.
And even if we don't have the capacity to help them now, we can develop it by increasing our compassion and wisdom so that we can benefit others more and more deeply. The more compassion and wisdom we are able to develop, the more power we will have to liberate others from all suffering and its cause, which is within them, on their mental continuum. The cause of their suffering is their karma and delusions, their mistaken ways of thinking, and the negative imprints left by them on their mental continuum. We have every opportunity to develop our capacity, our compassion and wisdom, and be able to help others. Because we have the opportunity, we should help others.
The basic reason that we need to help others is simply that others are suffering and need our help and we have opportunity to help them now and to further develop our potential to help others.
This is the reason that I normally give as to why we need to help others. It is a clean-clear pure reason: it is simply that a sentient being is suffering and needs our help. Of course, you incidentally get a lot of benefit from helping others. You get skies of benefit when you help others sincerely from your heart, by knowing that the meaning of your being born as a human being at this time is to serve others. The purpose of your life is to serve others. When we serve others with this knowledge and with compassion, our everyday life brings us so much peace, happiness, and satisfaction. Our inner life is then full rather than empty.
In this world there are billionaires and other wealthy people whose attitude to life is not one of serving others but of using others for their own happiness. Their main aim is to make themselves happy and to avoid problems for themselves, but rather than searching for satisfaction from within their own mind, they look to achieve satisfaction from outside themselves. Even though they might be very comfortable externally, their inner life is miserable and filled with dissatisfaction. Their inner life is sad and empty.
There needs to be a total change of mind by thinking, "The purpose of my life is to serve others. Why have I been born a human being, with this rare and precious human body? I have received it to serve others, to free others from all their suffering and to bring them all happiness: the happiness of this life and of future lives and the ultimate happiness that is free from all suffering and all causes of suffering (karma and delusions, or negative emotional thoughts), especially the highest happiness of enlightenment. To bring them all this happiness is the purpose of my life."
Serving others with a sincere heart brings us so much peace and satisfaction every day. When we do the work sincerely, it gives us so much peace, happiness and fulfillment. We feel happy, and we see our life as meaningful. It fills our life with happiness and satisfaction now and also ensures that we have the best future.
By serving others with a sincere heart, we have the best future. Helping to look after people who are sick and dying is itself the best preparation for our own death. By taking care of others--whether one or many--we collect so much merit and purify so much negative karma, and this means our death will come easily and without fear. Fear of death doesn't come from outside, but from within our own mind, because of our delusions and negative karma. Fear is the result of attachment and other negative emotional thoughts and of the negative karma collected in the past. By serving others with a sincere mind in our everyday life, we purify so much of those negative karmas and develop a good heart.
Excerpted from a talk Kyabje Lama Zopa Rinpoche gave to the workers at Cittamani Hospice Service, April 2000. Edited by Ven. Ailsa Cameron. You can read the entire talk here.
Aug 8, 2013
Ten Leadership Blunders
Comedian Bill Cosby once said, “I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss' job...and I don't want it!”
Like it or not, there are times we are in charge. There are times we are all leaders – as a parent, in the classroom, through work, in a club, on a sports team or in a volunteer organization. And we can always become better leaders. Here are ten common leadership blunders better leaders avoid.
1. Some leaders are blind to the current situation. They solve the wrong problems in the wrong way. They bandage an infected thumb but do not pull the splinter. Better leaders work hard to understand the real problem before responding.
2. Some leaders discourage those they lead. They find fault and blame. They criticize when things don't go right. Better leaders encourage. They give credit when things go well and take responsibility for problems.
Alabama football coach "Bear" Bryant was once asked how he inspired his players. He responded, "Well, I'm just an old plow hand from Arkansas, but I've learned a few things about getting people to do what you want them to do. When things go wrong, I did it. When things go semi-good, we did it. And when things go good, you did it. That's all it takes to hold a team together…."
3. Some leaders believe they have all the answers they need. Better leaders keep learning. A cross-discipline study of leadership indicated that effective leaders in all fields are always learning. They understand that a spurt here and a spurt there does not make an expert.
4. Some leaders shy away from courageous decisions. They prefer to keep things as they are, even if the system is not working all that well. They will almost always follow the well-worn path. Better leaders will often go where there is no path and leave a trail. They trust their instincts and act boldly.
5. Some leaders keep others in their place. They remind them who is boss. Better leaders know that authority earned trumps authority granted.
A young Army officer found that he did not have the correct change for a soft drink vending machine. Noticing a subordinate nearby, he said, "Private, do you have change for a dollar?" Cheerfully, the man said, "I think so. Here, let me look." "That is no way to address your superior, soldier!" scolded the officer. "Now, let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?" The soldier snapped to attention, saluted and said, "NO, SIR!"
The officer’s authority was granted, but he had yet to earn respect from those he led.
6. Some leaders would rather do the work themselves. They are slow to delegate. They micro-manage and control. Better leaders identify strengths and limitations of those they lead. They assign, train, encourage and then get out of the way.
7. Some leaders sabotage the successes of others. When those below them succeed, they feel threatened. Better leaders help their subordinates find success. They give a hand up. They realize that when one is lifted onto another's shoulders, both stand taller.
8. Some leaders ask others to do what they are not willing to do themselves, and try to get others to go places they have not been. Better leaders always lead by example. They get out in front and lead, they don’t push from behind.
9. Some leaders motivate by force. They cajole, intimidate, threaten and issue ultimatums. Better leaders understand that people respond best to positive incentive. They build morale.
10. Some leaders do not listen well to those they lead. Their minds are already made up and they charge recklessly ahead. Better leaders listen closely to those they want to influence.
U.S. Secretary of State Dean Rusk once said, "One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears -- by listening to them." Great salespeople know this. Great motivators know this. Great leaders know this.
Maybe you've seen the boss' job and you don't want it, but we are all in charge at times. Be a better leader and you will help build a better world.
-- Steve Goodier
Like it or not, there are times we are in charge. There are times we are all leaders – as a parent, in the classroom, through work, in a club, on a sports team or in a volunteer organization. And we can always become better leaders. Here are ten common leadership blunders better leaders avoid.
1. Some leaders are blind to the current situation. They solve the wrong problems in the wrong way. They bandage an infected thumb but do not pull the splinter. Better leaders work hard to understand the real problem before responding.
2. Some leaders discourage those they lead. They find fault and blame. They criticize when things don't go right. Better leaders encourage. They give credit when things go well and take responsibility for problems.
Alabama football coach "Bear" Bryant was once asked how he inspired his players. He responded, "Well, I'm just an old plow hand from Arkansas, but I've learned a few things about getting people to do what you want them to do. When things go wrong, I did it. When things go semi-good, we did it. And when things go good, you did it. That's all it takes to hold a team together…."
3. Some leaders believe they have all the answers they need. Better leaders keep learning. A cross-discipline study of leadership indicated that effective leaders in all fields are always learning. They understand that a spurt here and a spurt there does not make an expert.
4. Some leaders shy away from courageous decisions. They prefer to keep things as they are, even if the system is not working all that well. They will almost always follow the well-worn path. Better leaders will often go where there is no path and leave a trail. They trust their instincts and act boldly.
5. Some leaders keep others in their place. They remind them who is boss. Better leaders know that authority earned trumps authority granted.
A young Army officer found that he did not have the correct change for a soft drink vending machine. Noticing a subordinate nearby, he said, "Private, do you have change for a dollar?" Cheerfully, the man said, "I think so. Here, let me look." "That is no way to address your superior, soldier!" scolded the officer. "Now, let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?" The soldier snapped to attention, saluted and said, "NO, SIR!"
The officer’s authority was granted, but he had yet to earn respect from those he led.
6. Some leaders would rather do the work themselves. They are slow to delegate. They micro-manage and control. Better leaders identify strengths and limitations of those they lead. They assign, train, encourage and then get out of the way.
7. Some leaders sabotage the successes of others. When those below them succeed, they feel threatened. Better leaders help their subordinates find success. They give a hand up. They realize that when one is lifted onto another's shoulders, both stand taller.
8. Some leaders ask others to do what they are not willing to do themselves, and try to get others to go places they have not been. Better leaders always lead by example. They get out in front and lead, they don’t push from behind.
9. Some leaders motivate by force. They cajole, intimidate, threaten and issue ultimatums. Better leaders understand that people respond best to positive incentive. They build morale.
10. Some leaders do not listen well to those they lead. Their minds are already made up and they charge recklessly ahead. Better leaders listen closely to those they want to influence.
U.S. Secretary of State Dean Rusk once said, "One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears -- by listening to them." Great salespeople know this. Great motivators know this. Great leaders know this.
Maybe you've seen the boss' job and you don't want it, but we are all in charge at times. Be a better leader and you will help build a better world.
-- Steve Goodier
Aug 1, 2013
Singapore's Birthday
During my Primary school days, I still remember the school will sell those cassette tapes of National Day songs to the students during National Day period.
This is one of my favourite national song - "Count on me, Singapore".
Jul 9, 2013
The Magic Is Inside You
When Jeanne Calment turned 120 years old, she was asked what her view of the future was. "Very brief," she responded. I would imagine so at 120, but I expect I still have a future.
What is your view of the future?
A lonely frog called a psychic hotline. "You will meet a beautiful young woman who will want to learn all about you," the psychic advisor told him.
"Where will I meet her?" he asked. "Down by the old mill stream?"
"No," she said. "In biology class."
I think I would want to call another psychic for a second opinion.
Scott Adams, of "Dilbert" comic strip fame, says this about predictions: "There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as `a complete waste of time.'"
I received a postcard from a psychic advisor once. It said that if I call a certain number (one for which I would be charged a hefty fee), she would lead me through a hazy future to clarity and happiness. I wondered if she really could tell me important details about my life and future – I mean, clarity and happiness don't sound half bad. Then I turned the card over. I noticed that it was addressed to the wrong house. That's when I thought, if she doesn't even know where I am, how can she know where I am going?
But if the future is not ours to see, I'm okay with that because I go along with Dolly Parton in her song "These Old Bones." Dolly sings, "You just remember that the magic is inside you, there ain't no crystal ball." The magic is inside you. Maybe not the magic to see into the future, but certainly the magic to shape it.
At the end of my life, what will matter to me? Not that I ever had the ability foresee my future (I have little interest in that), but that I had a hand in shaping it. I refuse to think my life is in the hands of the fates and what will be, will be. I have dreams. I have longings. I have significant aspirations for my own future and even for the world. Much of the world I can't influence. But I can control my thoughts and actions; I can choose my attitudes and behaviors. That is the magic inside me. I can largely shape who I will become, and when I do, I am shaping my future.
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams," said Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman who did much to change the world around her. If there is only one thing to do today, that would be it: to believe in the beauty of my dreams. Really believe in them. That's where the magic is and anything can happen.
-- Steve Goodier
What is your view of the future?
A lonely frog called a psychic hotline. "You will meet a beautiful young woman who will want to learn all about you," the psychic advisor told him.
"Where will I meet her?" he asked. "Down by the old mill stream?"
"No," she said. "In biology class."
I think I would want to call another psychic for a second opinion.
Scott Adams, of "Dilbert" comic strip fame, says this about predictions: "There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as `a complete waste of time.'"
I received a postcard from a psychic advisor once. It said that if I call a certain number (one for which I would be charged a hefty fee), she would lead me through a hazy future to clarity and happiness. I wondered if she really could tell me important details about my life and future – I mean, clarity and happiness don't sound half bad. Then I turned the card over. I noticed that it was addressed to the wrong house. That's when I thought, if she doesn't even know where I am, how can she know where I am going?
But if the future is not ours to see, I'm okay with that because I go along with Dolly Parton in her song "These Old Bones." Dolly sings, "You just remember that the magic is inside you, there ain't no crystal ball." The magic is inside you. Maybe not the magic to see into the future, but certainly the magic to shape it.
At the end of my life, what will matter to me? Not that I ever had the ability foresee my future (I have little interest in that), but that I had a hand in shaping it. I refuse to think my life is in the hands of the fates and what will be, will be. I have dreams. I have longings. I have significant aspirations for my own future and even for the world. Much of the world I can't influence. But I can control my thoughts and actions; I can choose my attitudes and behaviors. That is the magic inside me. I can largely shape who I will become, and when I do, I am shaping my future.
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams," said Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman who did much to change the world around her. If there is only one thing to do today, that would be it: to believe in the beauty of my dreams. Really believe in them. That's where the magic is and anything can happen.
-- Steve Goodier
Jun 22, 2013
Un-Thanked People
When William Stidger taught at Boston University, he once reflected upon the great number of un-thanked people in his life. Those who had helped nurture him, inspire him or who cared enough about him to leave a lasting impression.
One was a schoolteacher he'd not heard of in many years. But he remembered that she had gone out of her way to put a love of verse in him, and Will had loved poetry all his life. He wrote a letter of thanks to her.
The reply he received, written in the feeble scrawl of the aged, began, "My dear Willie." He was delighted. Now over 50, bald and a professor, he didn't think there was a person left in the world who would call him "Willie." Here is that letter:
"My dear Willie,
I cannot tell you how much your note meant to me. I am in my eighties, living alone in a small room, cooking my own meals, lonely and, like the last leaf of autumn, lingering behind. You will be interested to know that I taught school for 50 years and yours is the first note of appreciation I ever received. It came on a blue-cold morning and it cheered me as nothing has in many years."
Not prone to cry easily, Bill wept over that note. She was one of the great un-thanked people from Bill's past. You know them. We all do. The teacher who made a difference. That coach we'll never forget. The music instructor or Sunday school worker who helped us to believe in ourselves. That scout leader who cared.
We all remember people who shaped our lives in various ways. People whose influence changed us. Bill Stidger found a way to show his appreciation – he wrote them letters.
Who are some of the un-thanked people from your past? It may not be too late to say, "Thanks."
-- Steve Goodier
One was a schoolteacher he'd not heard of in many years. But he remembered that she had gone out of her way to put a love of verse in him, and Will had loved poetry all his life. He wrote a letter of thanks to her.
The reply he received, written in the feeble scrawl of the aged, began, "My dear Willie." He was delighted. Now over 50, bald and a professor, he didn't think there was a person left in the world who would call him "Willie." Here is that letter:
"My dear Willie,
I cannot tell you how much your note meant to me. I am in my eighties, living alone in a small room, cooking my own meals, lonely and, like the last leaf of autumn, lingering behind. You will be interested to know that I taught school for 50 years and yours is the first note of appreciation I ever received. It came on a blue-cold morning and it cheered me as nothing has in many years."
Not prone to cry easily, Bill wept over that note. She was one of the great un-thanked people from Bill's past. You know them. We all do. The teacher who made a difference. That coach we'll never forget. The music instructor or Sunday school worker who helped us to believe in ourselves. That scout leader who cared.
We all remember people who shaped our lives in various ways. People whose influence changed us. Bill Stidger found a way to show his appreciation – he wrote them letters.
Who are some of the un-thanked people from your past? It may not be too late to say, "Thanks."
-- Steve Goodier
Jun 15, 2013
The Smiling Game
It's been said that a smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart. But a smile is also a powerful weapon against toxic attitudes of all kinds.
Lisa Gurnsey, of Portland, Oregon, wrote to me about a man whose smile quite literally changed her life: "I was having a horrible day -- hating my job, tired of the weather, tired of trying to keep up on bills, and just completely stressed out. I stopped at the post office in the morning and, as I was entering, an older business man commented to me that it was going to be a good day and life shouldn't be as bad as I make it look. I glared at him and simply said, 'I wish it was Friday.'
"I felt better about my day when I left the post office...that man's smile and comment, although irritating at first, made me think.
"The second time I ran into the man I went out of my way to say 'Happy Friday' to him and to smile. I saw him a few more times and always he was cheery and 'made my day.'
"I looked for him around Christmas time to give him a card and explain how his kind words and smile that very first day made me regroup my thinking and realize I didn't have it so bad. But I have not seen him at the post office since then. I look every morning...I go at different times to see if I can catch him. Maybe he retired, maybe he is ill. I think to myself, 'I wish I had thanked him for being a kind person.' I can honestly say this man changed my life. I will work to spread that same feeling to those I see in need of a smile."
We can never know the impact a simple smile has on another. Smiling is one of the easiest things we can do. Is there a simpler, more effortless way to give everyone you meet a moment of joy, even a sense of worth?
Speaker Josh Hinds makes this suggestion: "Play the smiling game in your daily life. See how many people you can get to smile back at you. Keep score and tally the results at the end of each day."
That sounds like a game we can all play. The rules are simple. There are lots of winners. And who knows? You just might "make" someone's day -- even if that someone is you.
-- Steve Goodier
Lisa Gurnsey, of Portland, Oregon, wrote to me about a man whose smile quite literally changed her life: "I was having a horrible day -- hating my job, tired of the weather, tired of trying to keep up on bills, and just completely stressed out. I stopped at the post office in the morning and, as I was entering, an older business man commented to me that it was going to be a good day and life shouldn't be as bad as I make it look. I glared at him and simply said, 'I wish it was Friday.'
"I felt better about my day when I left the post office...that man's smile and comment, although irritating at first, made me think.
"The second time I ran into the man I went out of my way to say 'Happy Friday' to him and to smile. I saw him a few more times and always he was cheery and 'made my day.'
"I looked for him around Christmas time to give him a card and explain how his kind words and smile that very first day made me regroup my thinking and realize I didn't have it so bad. But I have not seen him at the post office since then. I look every morning...I go at different times to see if I can catch him. Maybe he retired, maybe he is ill. I think to myself, 'I wish I had thanked him for being a kind person.' I can honestly say this man changed my life. I will work to spread that same feeling to those I see in need of a smile."
We can never know the impact a simple smile has on another. Smiling is one of the easiest things we can do. Is there a simpler, more effortless way to give everyone you meet a moment of joy, even a sense of worth?
Speaker Josh Hinds makes this suggestion: "Play the smiling game in your daily life. See how many people you can get to smile back at you. Keep score and tally the results at the end of each day."
That sounds like a game we can all play. The rules are simple. There are lots of winners. And who knows? You just might "make" someone's day -- even if that someone is you.
-- Steve Goodier
Jun 8, 2013
Jun 1, 2013
A Decision I Must Make Every Day
Gretchen Alexander is sightless. But she refuses to allow her blindness to limit her life activities. She enjoys archery, golf, softball, sailing and water-skiing, as well as a number of other activities that those of us who are sighted have yet to learn.
She also speaks to groups about living life fully. When speaking to a group of high school students, she was once asked if there was anything she wouldn't try.
"I've decided to never skydive," she answered. "It would scare the heck out of my dog."
Why do some people rise above their problems and live life fully, while others become defeated? Merle Shain explains it this way: "There are only two ways to approach life, as a victim or as a gallant fighter. And every day the decision is ours." Or put another way, we can believe we're helpless or we can believe we're powerful and capable. And every day we reaffirm our belief.
Another person who knew what it was like to live sightless, not to mention soundless, was Helen Keller. She famously pointed out that "although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of suffering." Does that sound someone who believes she is helpless, or like someone who believes she is capable?
I love the perspective of a shop owner in Nottingham, England. He posted this notice in the window of his coat store: "We have been established for over 100 years and have been pleasing and displeasing customers ever since. We have made money and lost money, suffered the effects of coal nationalization, coat rationing, government control and bad payers. We have been cussed and discussed, messed about, lied to, held up, robbed and swindled. The only reason we stay in business is to see what happens next." Though he lifts up a myriad of hardships they've endured, they somehow figured out how to stay in business. Does that sound like someone who believes he is helpless... or capable?
When discouraged some people will give up, give in or give out far too early. They blame their problems on difficult situations, unreasonable people or their own inabilities.
When discouraged other people will push back that first impulse to quit, push down their initial fear, push through feelings of helplessness and push ahead. They're less likely to find something to blame and more likely to find a way through.
For me, it's an important decision about whether I want to live my life fully and with courage or whether I will be forever defeated by harsh circumstances. It's a decision about believing I am powerful enough and capable enough. And it's a decision I must make every day of my life.
-- Steve Goodier
May 19, 2013
May 15, 2013
Living Like a Turtle
A high-powered corporate executive came into a doctor's office for a checkup. He showed signs of overwork and stress. The doc warned him to slow down, to take up a hobby – perhaps painting – to relax. He agreed and started right away.
The next day the high-achieving businessman phoned and announced enthusiastically, "Doc, this painting is wonderful. I've already done ten!"
We don't need to be CEO's or high achievers to suffer from too much negative stress. It's easy to feel overwhelmed. In fact, you may be wondering this very minute whether you have time to read this page.
When I feel all-too-busy, I sometimes envy the turtle. The turtle lives as if time is no obstacle; a turtle seems to have all the time in the world and then some.
I think we have something to learn from turtles. Point in fact: turtles live an exceptionally long life. Humorist E. B. White tells us that scientists are searching their blood for some clues to their longevity. He speculates that perhaps the turtles' blood vessels stay in such nice shape because of the way they conduct their lives. They rarely miss an opportunity to swim and relax in the sun. No two turtles ever lunched together with the idea of promoting something.
I think he is right about this. Turtles do not attend meetings and conferences. No turtle ever texted while driving, tweeted while eating or complained about too much email. They never use words and phrases like "implementation," "multi-tasking," or "thinking out of the box."
Some days the life of a turtle sounds just about right. Non-anxious and calm.
But in truth I suspect that merely slowing down is not a very satisfying answer. What I need has less to do with my pace of life than my peace of life. At any speed, I crave a deep and lasting inner peace. And if it's solace I'm after, I don't need to pace myself like a turtle, change jobs or set up house on a quiet island. It is usually frenetic living, not high energy, that robs my peace of mind.
I actually feel my best when I am energized and enthusiastic about the next thing ahead. I feel fully alive when I am busy, sometimes even too busy, doing what I love the most. It's not about slowing down or living like a turtle – it's about enjoying my life and finding meaning in it.
I believe we can stay active and engaged and still come from a deep and peaceful place within. We can live in the excitement of the moment without undue stress about the future. And at any pace of life, we can come from the calmness of love rather than anxiety and fear.
Even a turtle can go for that.
-- Steve Goodier
May 1, 2013
The Finer Points of Positive Motivation
One wife waited patiently, then impatiently, for her husband to repair the lawn mower as he had promised. One day, not wanting to confront him in anger, she tried another tack. That was the day he came home and found her seated on the ground snipping grass with sewing scissors, one blade at a time. He watched in absolute amazement. Then he went into the house and returned with a toothbrush. "Honey," he said, "when you finish cutting the grass would you mind sweeping the sidewalks?"
They both laughed. And, more importantly, he turned his attention to the mower.
We've all been there. We want to encourage a child to do her homework, or a spouse to complete a project, or a colleague to follow through. How can we encourage without criticizing, nagging, berating or pushing?
Maybe because I'm the one that occasionally has to be nudged, I've learned a few important things about the finer points of positive motivation.
First, whenever possible, try to keep it light-hearted. The careful use of humor can work in any relationship to make the point in a way it will be heard. Sometimes we are so frustrated we know that however we say it, it will be bound to come out wrong. These are especially the times when humor may be needed.
Second, without exception, be polite and respectful. Sometimes it's more about how we say it than what we say. Too much of the world is run on the theory that you don't need road manners if you drive a five-ton truck. No one wants to be forced, pushed, run over, cajoled or manipulated. They want to be respected.
Finally, as often as you can, show appreciation. Novelist Arnold Bennett had a publisher who boasted about the consistently exceptional work of his assistant. One day while visiting the publisher's office, Bennett struck up a conversation with the valued employee. He told her what her boss said about her work. "What's your secret?" he asked.
"It's not my secret," said the assistant, "it's his." She went on to tell him that her boss always acknowledges and appreciates everything she does, regardless how insignificant. That is why she finds it so easy to take pride in her work. The appreciation of her employer nudges her toward constant improvement.
These are a few of the finer points of positive motivation. And even if motivating is not your purpose, respect and appreciation, topped off with a little humor is bound to improve any relationship.
-- Steve Goodier
Apr 15, 2013
Good Leaders Are Good Followers
A young woman was filling out an application for college when she came across the question: Are you a leader? She thought she had better be brutally honest, so she answered, "No." She was convinced when she sent the application in that she'd never hear from them because of that answer.
But she received a letter back from the school that read: "We have reviewed numerous applications and, to date, there will be some 1,452 new leaders attending school next year. We have decided to accept your application because we felt it was imperative that they have at least one follower."
Should all of us be leaders all of the time? Isn't there a time to follow as well as lead?
One man likes to tell about the day he purchased a novelty sign and hung it on his office door. The sign read: "I'm the boss." The next day he came to work he noticed that the office comedian affixed a sticky note to his door that read, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back."
He may be the boss at work, but home is different altogether. In marriage and family as well as most social relationships, sometimes we lead and sometimes we follow the lead of another. If the so-called boss happens to be an effective leader at work, he has probably learned that getting his own way all of the time does not produce good results. As it turns out, the best leaders are also excellent followers. Why?
1. Good leaders share leadership. They know when to follow and when to lead.
2. Good leaders build their skills on following role models for the behaviors they want to learn. What they admire in another, they copy.
3. Good leaders exhibit humility. They remain open to suggestion. When they need it, they ask for help and follow good advice.
In other words, good leaders are also good followers. They know when to follow in the footsteps of others and when to leave tracks of their own.
You may be the boss, but you will be a leader when you also learn how to follow.
-- Steve Goodier
Apr 7, 2013
Apr 1, 2013
Mar 29, 2013
Wherever You Are, Be There
An old story comes from pre-telephone days when a young man applied for a job as a telegraph operator. He answered an ad in the newspaper and went to the telegraph office to await an interview. Though he knew Morse code and was qualified in every other way, seven other applicants were also waiting in the large, noisy office, who were no doubt equally qualified.
He saw customers coming and going and heard a telegraph clacking away in the background. He also noticed a sign on the receptionist's counter instructing applicants to fill out a form and wait to be summoned to an inner office for an interview. He filled out the form and sat down to wait.
After a few minutes, the young man stood up, crossed the room to the door of the inner office, and walked right in. Naturally the other applicants perked up, wondering why he had been so bold. They talked among themselves and finally determined that, since nobody had been summoned to interview yet, the man would likely be reprimanded for not following instructions and possibly disqualified for the job.
Shortly, however, he emerged from the office escorted by the interviewer, who announced to the other applicants, "Thank you all very much for coming, but the job has just been filled."
They were all confused and one man spoke up: "Wait a minute – I don't understand. We've been waiting longer than he and we never even got a chance to come in."
The employer responded, “Were you listening to the telegraph? All the time you've been sitting here, the telegraph has been ticking out a message, ‘Come in now for your interview.’”
Kevin Kelly said, “The only factor becoming scarce in a world of abundance is human attention.” I wish I could say that I relate to the man who got the job, but the truth is that I often identify more with everyone else in the waiting room. When I have a moment to wait, I pull out my phone or listen to an audio-book on my mp3 player. I am too often more engrossed in my interior world than in paying attention to what is happening around me.
Yet the man in the story practiced a valuable habit – the habit of living in the present. His motto could have been, “Wherever you are, be there.” If you’re there in person, bring your mind along, too. If you're there physically, also be there emotionally. Give your full attention to others (is there really a better gift?).
Wherever you are, be there. Be there as fully as you can. Don’t be fooled by multi-tasking. You are only halfway there when you’re doing something else at the same time. Your mind can fully focus on only one thing at a time.
It's about being present and fully alive in the moment. Some people try to live in the past while existing in the present. Too often they find themselves filled with guilt or regrets and missing the now moment. Others find themselves living in the future, only to discover that anxiety and worry are cheating them out of joy today.
Don’t live in the past – you’ve already been there. And don’t live in the future, either. Tomorrow will be here soon enough. Live in this moment now – it is sacred and unrepeatable. This moment alone holds valuable gifts that should not be missed.
Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.
-- Steve Goodier
Mar 12, 2013
We Are Meant to Be One
Where is true peace to be found? Archbishop Desmond Tutu might say it can be found in the African concept of "ubuntu."
He says, "Ubuntu is a concept that we have in our Bantu languages at home. Ubuntu is the essence of being a person. It means that we are people through other people. We cannot be fully human alone. We are made for interdependence, we are made for family. When you have ubuntu, you embrace others. You are generous, compassionate."
He also says that if the world had more ubuntu, there would be no war. The powerful would help the weak. That is where peace is to be found.
A story from World War II shines a spotlight on ubuntu. In 1942, the American consul ordered citizens home from the Persian Gulf, for fear they might get caught in the spreading conflict. Travel was difficult, and some civilians secured passage on the troop ship Mauritania. Passengers included thousands of Allied soldiers, 500 German prisoners of war and 25 civilian women and children.
The ship traveled slowly and cautiously, constantly in danger from hostile submarines patrolling the ocean depths. It was Christmas Eve and they had traveled for a full two months. They had only made it as far as the coastal waters of New Zealand and all on board were homesick, anxious and frightened.
Someone came up with the idea of asking the captain for permission to sing Christmas carols for the German prisoners, who were surely as homesick and lonely as the passengers. Permission was granted and a small choral group made its way to the quarters where the unsuspecting prisoners were held. They decided to sing "Silent Night" first, as it was written in Germany by Joseph Mohr and was equally well known by the prisoners.
Within seconds of beginning the carol, a deafening clatter shook the floor. Hundreds of German soldiers sprang up and crowded the tiny windows in order to better see and hear the choristers. Tears streamed unashamedly down their faces. At that moment, everyone on both sides of the wall experienced the universal truth – that at the core of our being, all people everywhere are one. They experienced ubuntu. Hope and love broke down the barriers between warring nations and, for that moment at least, all were one family.
We are meant to be one. And only after we realize that amazing truth can we find what we need – true peace.
-- Steve Goodier
Feb 15, 2013
Humor Can Make a Serious Difference
Thomas Watson, former CEO and chairman of IBM, was famous for putting the word "THINK" on prominent walls of every IBM building. The tradition has carried on into modern times. Not long ago in a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor placed a "THINK" sign directly above the sink.
The next day, when he entered the restroom, he glanced at the sign. Just below it and immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign that which read: "THOAP!"
How often do you laugh at work? Actually, humor can make a serious difference. In the workplace, at home, in all areas of life - looking for a reason to laugh is necessary. A sense of humor helps us to get through the dull times, cope with the difficult times, enjoy the good times and manage the scary times.
Case in point: six-year-old Hannah. Hannah encountered one of the most frightening times of her life when she discovered she had cancer. Six years old and she might not live. And if she were to give life a shot, Hannah would have to endure painful, almost endless medical treatments. At one point she lost all her hair due to chemicals pumped into her tiny body. On days when she felt strong enough to get out, she often covered her head.
One day while shopping with her mother, Hannah donned a ball cap with a fake pony tail sewn into the back. Unless one looked closely, she looked as if she had a full head of hair. Before long Hannah noticed a small boy staring at her as if he were trying to figure out what was slightly off about the girl. She tried to ignore him, but he followed her around the store. Finally, she ripped off her cap revealing her shiny, hairless head. In a stern voice she warned, "This is what happens when you don't eat your vegetables!"
I don't know what became of the boy, but I suspect he is now a committed vegetarian. As for Hannah, her sense of humor helped get her through one of life's scariest times.
Like entertainer Bob Hope once said, "I've seen what a good laugh can do. It can transform tears into hope." And sometimes, a little more hope is all we need.
-- Steve Goodier
Feb 10, 2013
Jan 2, 2013
Just Do What You Know
Someone pointed out that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it sure beats a blank stare for starting a conversation. Which is all right, for I suppose I have about as little knowledge as anyone.
But maybe how much knowledge we have isn't the point. It's not always about what we know, what we don't know and what we think we know. It's more about what we choose to do with whatever knowledge we may have.
News commentator Paul Harvey once related a story which took place during the American presidential administration of Jimmy Carter. Evidently, daughter Amy Carter needed help with homework. It was Friday and the assignment, a question about the Industrial Revolution, was due on Monday. Neither Amy nor her mother quite understood the question she was researching, so mother Rosalyn asked a White House aide to run the question by the Labor Department.
Sunday afternoon, a truck pulled up at the White House loaded with a computer printout. Remember dot matrix printing and tractor feed paper? Someone assumed the president needed the information urgently, so the Labor Department assigned a team to work all weekend to prepare the documents.
When first lady Rosalyn learned that the research had cost hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars she was horrified. But Amy went ahead and used the information to complete her homework.
On that homework assignment, by the way, she got a "C."
I see a parable here. You and I are exposed to a "truckload" of information every day. I recently read that a peasant in tenth century Europe was exposed to roughly the same volume of information in a lifetime as is published in just one daily edition of the New York Times today. We're inundated with information and likely know more than any generation before us.
But in the end, it's not about how much knowledge we may have. It's about what we choose do with what we know that means anything.
My own life can improve significantly if I simply take what I already know and apply it. I know how to forgive, for example, yet I am slow to do it. I know how to love, when to be patient and why I should share generously. I also know that if I do these things as often as possible, it will make a huge difference in my life and to others I care about. But too often I'm reluctant to do them.
Most of the time I even know how to be happy. I bet that you do, too. And I know that if I habitually do the kinds of things that promote a happier and more fulfilled life, I will be the better for it.
A full and happy life does not come from knowing more than others. And we don't always need to find the latest book on happiness or a popular self help expert to guide us. Most of us already know the greater part of what we need to do to be our best and to get where we want to go. But this is key: to consistently apply what we know every day. In other words, just do it.
You know enough. Apply what you know today and things can truly be different tomorrow.
-- Steve Goodier
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