Aug 1, 2015
Jul 8, 2015
No Wrong Time to Say the Right Thing
A cartoon depicts a woman shaking hands with her clergyman as she leaves the church. The caption says, "Thank you for the sermon. It was like water to a drowning man." Some compliments are better left unsaid....
Isn't it true that words carry with them immense power? Power to build up and power to tear down. Such was the case with the words of Mandy (not her real name), a woman who learned that there is no wrong time to say the right thing.
It was a cold, rainy day in March. Across the room in the retail store where Mandy worked, sat Laura, a woman about Mandy's age. Other workers did not like Laura; they thought of her as snobbish and aloof. And Mandy agreed.
But sweeping the bias from her eyes, she made up her mind to say something kind to Laura. Finally, she managed, "Do you know, Laura, that I've worked in this room with you for several years. And whenever I glance up I see your head silhouetted against the window there behind you. I think you have the prettiest profile and hair that I have ever seen on anybody." Her words were not insincere flattery. She meant it.
Laura looked up and began to cry. "That's the first kind word anybody has ever said to me in all the time I've worked here," she said.
Mandy discovered that Laura's aloofness was not due to snobbishness, but shyness. The two became friends. Other workers soon began to include Laura in their activities, and she blossomed like a flower that, for the first time, found sunlight. The right words, spoken in kindness, made all the difference.
Words carry the potential to tear down or to build up. But when they are both sincere and kind, they are instruments that wield great power. Never underestimate the potential and power of your words.
There is no wrong time to say the right thing. And there is no better time than now.
-- Steve Goodier
Isn't it true that words carry with them immense power? Power to build up and power to tear down. Such was the case with the words of Mandy (not her real name), a woman who learned that there is no wrong time to say the right thing.
It was a cold, rainy day in March. Across the room in the retail store where Mandy worked, sat Laura, a woman about Mandy's age. Other workers did not like Laura; they thought of her as snobbish and aloof. And Mandy agreed.
But sweeping the bias from her eyes, she made up her mind to say something kind to Laura. Finally, she managed, "Do you know, Laura, that I've worked in this room with you for several years. And whenever I glance up I see your head silhouetted against the window there behind you. I think you have the prettiest profile and hair that I have ever seen on anybody." Her words were not insincere flattery. She meant it.
Laura looked up and began to cry. "That's the first kind word anybody has ever said to me in all the time I've worked here," she said.
Mandy discovered that Laura's aloofness was not due to snobbishness, but shyness. The two became friends. Other workers soon began to include Laura in their activities, and she blossomed like a flower that, for the first time, found sunlight. The right words, spoken in kindness, made all the difference.
Words carry the potential to tear down or to build up. But when they are both sincere and kind, they are instruments that wield great power. Never underestimate the potential and power of your words.
There is no wrong time to say the right thing. And there is no better time than now.
-- Steve Goodier
Jun 17, 2015
How to Improve Your Vision
Did you know that the English word "thanks" comes from the same root word as "think"? And they not only share a similar background, they are related in another way. It seems the more we think, the more we thank. One woman illustrated the how thinking and thanking are related in a visit to the eye doctor.
She complained to her ophthalmologist that, as she grew older, her eyesight was getting worse. He examined her eyes and could not be encouraging about the future of her eyesight. But to his surprise, she did not seem to be upset. She told him all she was grateful for: her deceased husband; her children and their families; her friends; the many years she has enjoyed upon this earth; her vast library of memories. She had done a great deal of thinking about these things. "My eyesight is getting worse," she summarized, "but I'm not going to fret over that."
Her doctor later made this observation: "Her eyesight is poor, but her vision is better than most people." She clearly saw what many never see -- all the good in her life. And she was content.
When we take time to think, and make time to thank, we see more clearly.
It sounds like an good way to improve your vision.
– Steve Goodier
She complained to her ophthalmologist that, as she grew older, her eyesight was getting worse. He examined her eyes and could not be encouraging about the future of her eyesight. But to his surprise, she did not seem to be upset. She told him all she was grateful for: her deceased husband; her children and their families; her friends; the many years she has enjoyed upon this earth; her vast library of memories. She had done a great deal of thinking about these things. "My eyesight is getting worse," she summarized, "but I'm not going to fret over that."
Her doctor later made this observation: "Her eyesight is poor, but her vision is better than most people." She clearly saw what many never see -- all the good in her life. And she was content.
When we take time to think, and make time to thank, we see more clearly.
It sounds like an good way to improve your vision.
– Steve Goodier
May 11, 2015
A Good Apology
Listen to this letter of apology:
"Dear Dog,
I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...
Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.
Best regards, The Cat"
The Old French root of the word "repent" is "repentir," which actually means to be sorry. The cat may have said he was sorry, but there is no sorrow here.
It reminds of me of the story of a woman with fourteen children, ages one through fourteen, who decided to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he desert you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," she replied. "He left 13 years ago? Where did all the children come from?" The woman looked sheepish. “He kept coming back to say he was sorry."
Again, no sorrow here, for if he'd been truly sorry, he'd have stayed. Sincere repentance always leads to change.
We need to learn how to make a GOOD APOLOGY -- one that is sincere and honest. One that gets the job done. Offering a good apology is not something many people do well. But we can learn.
It is well said that a good apology has three parts: I am sorry; it is my fault; what can I do to make it right?
I am sorry. Three short words that, when they are heart-felt, can be most difficult to say. But when uttered, they can change lives.
It is my fault. No excuses. No blame. Psychologist Carl Jung insightfully said, “The only person I cannot help is one who blames others.” When we accept fault we have the power to do something about it. When we pass the blame, we are helpless to keep it from happening again.
What can I do to make it right? Unless we change something, nothing changes. A good apology is followed by action. Otherwise, it is only words.
If you are going to apologize, apologize well. Never ruin your apology with an excuse and back it up with action.
Learning how to make a good apology is too important to neglect. It’s part of maintaining whole and healthy relationships. And it’s something we can practice today.
– Steve Goodier
"Dear Dog,
I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...
Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.
Best regards, The Cat"
The Old French root of the word "repent" is "repentir," which actually means to be sorry. The cat may have said he was sorry, but there is no sorrow here.
It reminds of me of the story of a woman with fourteen children, ages one through fourteen, who decided to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he desert you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," she replied. "He left 13 years ago? Where did all the children come from?" The woman looked sheepish. “He kept coming back to say he was sorry."
Again, no sorrow here, for if he'd been truly sorry, he'd have stayed. Sincere repentance always leads to change.
We need to learn how to make a GOOD APOLOGY -- one that is sincere and honest. One that gets the job done. Offering a good apology is not something many people do well. But we can learn.
It is well said that a good apology has three parts: I am sorry; it is my fault; what can I do to make it right?
I am sorry. Three short words that, when they are heart-felt, can be most difficult to say. But when uttered, they can change lives.
It is my fault. No excuses. No blame. Psychologist Carl Jung insightfully said, “The only person I cannot help is one who blames others.” When we accept fault we have the power to do something about it. When we pass the blame, we are helpless to keep it from happening again.
What can I do to make it right? Unless we change something, nothing changes. A good apology is followed by action. Otherwise, it is only words.
If you are going to apologize, apologize well. Never ruin your apology with an excuse and back it up with action.
Learning how to make a good apology is too important to neglect. It’s part of maintaining whole and healthy relationships. And it’s something we can practice today.
– Steve Goodier
May 1, 2015
Success Tax
I have learned something about success: I have learned that it comes with a tax.
Achieve your dreams, they say. Anything you want can come your way. Nothing to it, they say. Just follow a simple system and anything and everything can be yours. Not so. There is a tax you pay to get what you want, whether you want more income, healthier relationships, emotional satisfaction, spiritual growth or a well-lived life. It is called dedication.
Orson Welles once said, "My doctor has advised me to give up those intimate little dinners for four, unless, of course, there are three other people eating with me." Some people will tell you that you can lose 25 or 50 pounds in just weeks. It's easy, they say. Not so. Andy Rooney observed that the two biggest sellers in any bookstore are cookbooks and diet books. “Cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.” If it were easy to lose weight, who’d buy the books?
Some people will tell you that you can have the body of an athlete, or the Incredible Hulk or a fashion model (assuming that’s what you want). It's quick and simple, they say. Not so. It is never easy to succeed at difficult goals. There is a tax, and that tax is called dedication.
Do you want to excel at a sport, play a musical instrument well or become an accomplished artist? One man was lost in New York City. He poked his head into a taxi cab and asked the driver, "How do you get to Yankee Stadium?" The driver responded, "Practice, practice, practice." You want to become really good at something you enjoy? You probably can. But there is a tax to pay and that tax is called dedication.
Many of us would like closer relationships with a spouse or a child or with friends. There are never guarantees, but I promise that those relationships will suffer without dedication. When they were small, I wanted to figure out how to be closer to my young boys. And I noticed what the problem was...I wasn't spending enough high-quality, significant time with them. So, in addition to my other parental activities, I decided that I would take one of them out for breakfast every week. Just the two of us. For me it was alone time with one child. For my sons, it was a chance to get Dad all by himself -- with no distractions.
I scheduled the breakfast dates a few days in advance. Some weeks it seemed like more of a nuisance and I was tempted to skip. Some weeks we didn't have the money. Some weeks I had an unusually busy day ahead and believed I just didn't have the time. But it was a high priority. I dedicated myself to it and, regardless of good reasons to cancel, I made it happen anyway. (And if truth be told, my sons wouldn't let me skip -- they looked forward to eating food they usually didn't get at home.) As I now figure it, I had breakfast alone with one of my children over 500 times. It became a time for listening and talking and bonding; never a time for correcting and persuading (those were the ground rules). As I look back, I made plenty of mistakes as a father, but if I had it to do over again, I would still do the breakfasts.
We pay a tax to succeed at anything worthwhile. That tax is called dedication, and here's the most wonderful part. Once you pay it, once you truly dedicate yourself to something important, you'll find the price was worth it.
– Steve Goodier
Achieve your dreams, they say. Anything you want can come your way. Nothing to it, they say. Just follow a simple system and anything and everything can be yours. Not so. There is a tax you pay to get what you want, whether you want more income, healthier relationships, emotional satisfaction, spiritual growth or a well-lived life. It is called dedication.
Orson Welles once said, "My doctor has advised me to give up those intimate little dinners for four, unless, of course, there are three other people eating with me." Some people will tell you that you can lose 25 or 50 pounds in just weeks. It's easy, they say. Not so. Andy Rooney observed that the two biggest sellers in any bookstore are cookbooks and diet books. “Cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.” If it were easy to lose weight, who’d buy the books?
Some people will tell you that you can have the body of an athlete, or the Incredible Hulk or a fashion model (assuming that’s what you want). It's quick and simple, they say. Not so. It is never easy to succeed at difficult goals. There is a tax, and that tax is called dedication.
Do you want to excel at a sport, play a musical instrument well or become an accomplished artist? One man was lost in New York City. He poked his head into a taxi cab and asked the driver, "How do you get to Yankee Stadium?" The driver responded, "Practice, practice, practice." You want to become really good at something you enjoy? You probably can. But there is a tax to pay and that tax is called dedication.
Many of us would like closer relationships with a spouse or a child or with friends. There are never guarantees, but I promise that those relationships will suffer without dedication. When they were small, I wanted to figure out how to be closer to my young boys. And I noticed what the problem was...I wasn't spending enough high-quality, significant time with them. So, in addition to my other parental activities, I decided that I would take one of them out for breakfast every week. Just the two of us. For me it was alone time with one child. For my sons, it was a chance to get Dad all by himself -- with no distractions.
I scheduled the breakfast dates a few days in advance. Some weeks it seemed like more of a nuisance and I was tempted to skip. Some weeks we didn't have the money. Some weeks I had an unusually busy day ahead and believed I just didn't have the time. But it was a high priority. I dedicated myself to it and, regardless of good reasons to cancel, I made it happen anyway. (And if truth be told, my sons wouldn't let me skip -- they looked forward to eating food they usually didn't get at home.) As I now figure it, I had breakfast alone with one of my children over 500 times. It became a time for listening and talking and bonding; never a time for correcting and persuading (those were the ground rules). As I look back, I made plenty of mistakes as a father, but if I had it to do over again, I would still do the breakfasts.
We pay a tax to succeed at anything worthwhile. That tax is called dedication, and here's the most wonderful part. Once you pay it, once you truly dedicate yourself to something important, you'll find the price was worth it.
– Steve Goodier
Apr 11, 2015
All the Advice You’ll Ever Need
“Let me give you some advice.” How often have we heard that? We sometimes ask the opinions of friends or experts, but I know that unsolicited advice is not something people appreciate much. Which is why it is sometimes said that free advice is worth about as much as you pay for it. Or put another way: “Plain advice is free. The right answer will cost plenty.”
Personally, I don’t like advice unless I think I need it. And I’m careful about giving it, too. I know I’m not alone in this. American president Harry Truman once said, “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” At least that way your recommendation is followed.
One boy wrote in an essay on the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates: “Socrates was a man who went around town giving his advice and opinions, so...they poisoned him!” What this student lacks in historical accuracy he more than makes up for in his sense about how well most unsolicited advice is received.
The problem is...what works well for one person may not fit someone else. Take the wisdom offered by American baseball player Leroy “Satchel” Paige. His rules on living might have been all right for him, but they don’t suit most of us. Here is his counsel. Take it or leave it.
“Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.
If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.
Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
Go very lightly on vices such as carrying on in society. The social ramble
ain’t restful.
Avoid running at all times.
Don’t look back. Something may be gaining on you.”
Don’t hear me say that all advice should be discarded. Not at all. Nor should we overlook wisdom from unlikely sources. Like the “uneducated.” Or those from a bygone era.
I have a faded letter clipped from a newspaper many years ago. The author published some counsel given him by his grandmother who had died some 60 years prior, and who had never attended school. She offered it printed on a slip of paper, accompanied by the words, “All the advice you’ll ever need to have a good life.” I find it worth remembering. This is what she wrote:
“Wash what is dirty.
Water what is dry.
Heal what is wounded.
Warm what is cold.
Guide what goes off the road.
Love people who are least lovable, because they need it most.” *
There is lot of wisdom packed in those few words. And she said it best: “All the advice you’ll ever need to have a good life.”
– Steve Goodier
* (adapted from Abp. Stephen Langton d. 1228)
Personally, I don’t like advice unless I think I need it. And I’m careful about giving it, too. I know I’m not alone in this. American president Harry Truman once said, “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” At least that way your recommendation is followed.
One boy wrote in an essay on the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates: “Socrates was a man who went around town giving his advice and opinions, so...they poisoned him!” What this student lacks in historical accuracy he more than makes up for in his sense about how well most unsolicited advice is received.
The problem is...what works well for one person may not fit someone else. Take the wisdom offered by American baseball player Leroy “Satchel” Paige. His rules on living might have been all right for him, but they don’t suit most of us. Here is his counsel. Take it or leave it.
“Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.
If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.
Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
Go very lightly on vices such as carrying on in society. The social ramble
ain’t restful.
Avoid running at all times.
Don’t look back. Something may be gaining on you.”
Don’t hear me say that all advice should be discarded. Not at all. Nor should we overlook wisdom from unlikely sources. Like the “uneducated.” Or those from a bygone era.
I have a faded letter clipped from a newspaper many years ago. The author published some counsel given him by his grandmother who had died some 60 years prior, and who had never attended school. She offered it printed on a slip of paper, accompanied by the words, “All the advice you’ll ever need to have a good life.” I find it worth remembering. This is what she wrote:
“Wash what is dirty.
Water what is dry.
Heal what is wounded.
Warm what is cold.
Guide what goes off the road.
Love people who are least lovable, because they need it most.” *
There is lot of wisdom packed in those few words. And she said it best: “All the advice you’ll ever need to have a good life.”
– Steve Goodier
* (adapted from Abp. Stephen Langton d. 1228)
Mar 11, 2015
I Don’t Know How to Make a Turtle
I recently read about a study of ninety top leaders in a variety of fields. Interviewers were trying to determine just what it is that sets leaders apart. They discovered that, for one thing, those who rise to the top of their professions share a never-ending capacity to develop and improve their skills. The key concept here is “never-ending.” They know how important it is to ALWAYS increase their knowledge and hone their skills.
But what about the rest of us? Author M. Scott Peck said, “All my life I used to wonder what I would become when I grew up. Then, about seven years ago, I realized that I was never going to grow up -- that growing is an ever ongoing process.” I agree. Growing, learning, developing… the process is ongoing. And those who want to live fully will intentionally make learning and growth a lifelong habit.
I once visited a friend who had just celebrated her 80th birthday. She talked with much enthusiasm about a quilt she was making for her great-grandson Loren. She was almost finished -- everything except the center square which she had saved for last. She wanted that to be something special that Loren would particularly like, so she asked him what he would like her to make for the all-important center piece. The little boy replied, “I would like a turtle, please.”
The problem was that she had never made a turtle and wasn’t sure if she could. So she tried to redirect him. “How about a dog?” she suggested. “Or a house?” She had done those before.
But little Loren, too young to sense her discomfort, persisted. “No thank you, Gramma. I think I would like a turtle.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like something else? You see, I don’t think I know how to make a turtle.”
Now this was something he didn’t expect. Gramma, who seemed to know how to do everything, even make quilts, didn’t know how to make a turtle.
At first he looked perplexed. Then he must have thought of the many times his own parents encouraged him, because what came out next welled up from a desire to be helpful: “Well, Gramma,” he said pensively, “I think you’re old enough to learn.”
Gramma laughed. “Yes, I suppose I’m old enough to learn.” And since she was a believer that she could do whatever she set her mind to, she set it to learning this new task. When she finished the quilt, it had a turtle right in the middle.
My friend was especially proud of that quilt. And she discovered that Loren was right: she was old enough (and she was also young enough) to learn.
You may or may not want to be a top leader in your field. It doesn’t matter. But when you decide to explore new directions every day, to never stop learning and growing, the most wonderful things can happen.
– Steve Goodier
But what about the rest of us? Author M. Scott Peck said, “All my life I used to wonder what I would become when I grew up. Then, about seven years ago, I realized that I was never going to grow up -- that growing is an ever ongoing process.” I agree. Growing, learning, developing… the process is ongoing. And those who want to live fully will intentionally make learning and growth a lifelong habit.
I once visited a friend who had just celebrated her 80th birthday. She talked with much enthusiasm about a quilt she was making for her great-grandson Loren. She was almost finished -- everything except the center square which she had saved for last. She wanted that to be something special that Loren would particularly like, so she asked him what he would like her to make for the all-important center piece. The little boy replied, “I would like a turtle, please.”
The problem was that she had never made a turtle and wasn’t sure if she could. So she tried to redirect him. “How about a dog?” she suggested. “Or a house?” She had done those before.
But little Loren, too young to sense her discomfort, persisted. “No thank you, Gramma. I think I would like a turtle.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like something else? You see, I don’t think I know how to make a turtle.”
Now this was something he didn’t expect. Gramma, who seemed to know how to do everything, even make quilts, didn’t know how to make a turtle.
At first he looked perplexed. Then he must have thought of the many times his own parents encouraged him, because what came out next welled up from a desire to be helpful: “Well, Gramma,” he said pensively, “I think you’re old enough to learn.”
Gramma laughed. “Yes, I suppose I’m old enough to learn.” And since she was a believer that she could do whatever she set her mind to, she set it to learning this new task. When she finished the quilt, it had a turtle right in the middle.
My friend was especially proud of that quilt. And she discovered that Loren was right: she was old enough (and she was also young enough) to learn.
You may or may not want to be a top leader in your field. It doesn’t matter. But when you decide to explore new directions every day, to never stop learning and growing, the most wonderful things can happen.
– Steve Goodier
Feb 5, 2015
You Raise Me Up
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
Jan 13, 2015
IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE
It only takes a minute to tell a
loved one you adore them
It only takes a minute to set a big
goal
It only takes a minute to drink a
glass of water
It only takes a minute to read a
great idea (that just might rock
your world)
It only takes a minute to smile
It only takes a minute to connect
to a friend or a co-worker
It only takes a minute to help a
human being in need
It only takes a minute to go the
extra mile at work and wow a
customer
It only takes a minute to reflect
on what you can do today to be
better than you were yesterday
It only takes a minute to embrace
change
It only takes a minute to make a
new choice that will lead to your
best life.
Make the best of your
minutes. Each one of them
makes up your life.
loved one you adore them
It only takes a minute to set a big
goal
It only takes a minute to drink a
glass of water
It only takes a minute to read a
great idea (that just might rock
your world)
It only takes a minute to smile
It only takes a minute to connect
to a friend or a co-worker
It only takes a minute to help a
human being in need
It only takes a minute to go the
extra mile at work and wow a
customer
It only takes a minute to reflect
on what you can do today to be
better than you were yesterday
It only takes a minute to embrace
change
It only takes a minute to make a
new choice that will lead to your
best life.
Make the best of your
minutes. Each one of them
makes up your life.
Jan 1, 2015
Dec 25, 2014
Dec 5, 2014
The Power Of Intention and Visualization!
Jim Carrey and Oprah Winfrey Talk: The Power Of Intention and Visualization!
Visualization works if you work hard ... You can't just visualize and then go eat a sandwich ...
Nov 20, 2014
Getting to Your Life Work
A silly story is told about a farmer who stopped by his neighbors' home to let them know them that their son was stuck in a mud hole. "How deep is he sunk?" the boy's father asked.
"About to his knees," the farmer replied. He looked decidedly unconcerned.
"Well," said the father, "only up to his knees -- we've got time to set awhile an' jaw before we go."
"I don't think so," the visitor answered. "He's in head first."
As ridiculous as it is, the story suggests that there is a time to wait and there is a time to act. Wisdom is knowing which to do.
Some of us err on the side of jumping in and doing without thinking it through first. I have done that more than once. I've acted impulsively and regretted my haste later.
However, I sometimes catch myself erring on the other side. I too often over-think a project or problem and put off doing anything about it almost indefinitely. Which may not be a problem if I postpone a little project around the house or reading a particular book on my shelf. The project and the book will still be there tomorrow. Some things can wait with no dire consequences and I don't want to be enslaved by my to-do list.
But what if we're talking about something important...like fixing a relationship or making needed life changes? I call that life work. Though usually not urgent, it is some of the most important work a person can do. And the cost of putting off vital life work is often higher than one might realize. Broken relationships that could have been satisfying bring heartache. Attitudinal or behavioral changes never addressed will impede your personal growth and happiness for years. And what about those beautiful life dreams never pursued? Life work.
I appreciate these words from writer Og Mandino: “To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as…to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.” It never seems very urgent any particular day, but to leave crucial life work behind can be one of the most destructive decisions a person can make.
Here is an important question. A year from now how will you feel about not beginning that life work you may be putting off today? Just beginning it may be all that is needed for now.
Since I began this piece with a silly story, let me end with another one. A golfer had an absolutely horrible day at the links. His ball lay on an anthill and he swung viciously with a five-iron. Again and again he missed the ball and chopped away at the hill, killing ants and sending sand flying through the air. One frightened ant turned to another and said in panic, “We’d better get on the ball if we want to stay alive!”
And that's the point -- if you have been putting off important life work, then this is your nudge to get on the ball.
I guarantee this...a year from now you'll be glad you did.
– Steve Goodier
"About to his knees," the farmer replied. He looked decidedly unconcerned.
"Well," said the father, "only up to his knees -- we've got time to set awhile an' jaw before we go."
"I don't think so," the visitor answered. "He's in head first."
As ridiculous as it is, the story suggests that there is a time to wait and there is a time to act. Wisdom is knowing which to do.
Some of us err on the side of jumping in and doing without thinking it through first. I have done that more than once. I've acted impulsively and regretted my haste later.
However, I sometimes catch myself erring on the other side. I too often over-think a project or problem and put off doing anything about it almost indefinitely. Which may not be a problem if I postpone a little project around the house or reading a particular book on my shelf. The project and the book will still be there tomorrow. Some things can wait with no dire consequences and I don't want to be enslaved by my to-do list.
But what if we're talking about something important...like fixing a relationship or making needed life changes? I call that life work. Though usually not urgent, it is some of the most important work a person can do. And the cost of putting off vital life work is often higher than one might realize. Broken relationships that could have been satisfying bring heartache. Attitudinal or behavioral changes never addressed will impede your personal growth and happiness for years. And what about those beautiful life dreams never pursued? Life work.
I appreciate these words from writer Og Mandino: “To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as…to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.” It never seems very urgent any particular day, but to leave crucial life work behind can be one of the most destructive decisions a person can make.
Here is an important question. A year from now how will you feel about not beginning that life work you may be putting off today? Just beginning it may be all that is needed for now.
Since I began this piece with a silly story, let me end with another one. A golfer had an absolutely horrible day at the links. His ball lay on an anthill and he swung viciously with a five-iron. Again and again he missed the ball and chopped away at the hill, killing ants and sending sand flying through the air. One frightened ant turned to another and said in panic, “We’d better get on the ball if we want to stay alive!”
And that's the point -- if you have been putting off important life work, then this is your nudge to get on the ball.
I guarantee this...a year from now you'll be glad you did.
– Steve Goodier
Oct 28, 2014
What Are We Doing to Our Children?
One proud father said to his little boy, "I've got news for you, my big boy. You are going to have a beautiful baby brother."
"Great!" yelped the little boy. "Where's Mom? I can't wait to tell her!"
His sister, however, wasn't nearly as excited about the arrival. After a few days her father asked, "Aren't you happy about having a new baby brother?"
"Not really," she admitted. "I wanted a little sister so we could play girl games when she got bigger. And we can't give him back. We've used him for five days."
However, she may yet grow to love her little brother. If not now, later.
Psychiatrist Karl A. Menninger spent a lifetime studying mental illness. He observed that “what's done to children, they will do to society.” There is nothing new here. We all know that abused children often become abusers. Children taught to hate or children raised in violence commonly become dangerous and destructive adults.
But there is a positive side, too. Children nurtured in kindness learn the value of understanding. Children taught to be self-sufficient, to respect others, to value education and to build life up rather than to tear it down will become adults capable of leading us to a brighter future. For what's done to children, they will do to society.
An unknown author put it succinctly: "A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started. He or she is going to sit where you are sitting and attend to those things that you think are important. You may adopt all the policies you please, but how they will be carried out depends on our young people. They will assume control of your duties, states and nation. They are going to move in and take over your churches, schools, universities and corporations. All your books will be judged, praised or condemned by them. The fate of humanity is in their hands. So it might be well to pay young people attention."
What are we doing to our children?
– Steve Goodier
"Great!" yelped the little boy. "Where's Mom? I can't wait to tell her!"
His sister, however, wasn't nearly as excited about the arrival. After a few days her father asked, "Aren't you happy about having a new baby brother?"
"Not really," she admitted. "I wanted a little sister so we could play girl games when she got bigger. And we can't give him back. We've used him for five days."
However, she may yet grow to love her little brother. If not now, later.
Psychiatrist Karl A. Menninger spent a lifetime studying mental illness. He observed that “what's done to children, they will do to society.” There is nothing new here. We all know that abused children often become abusers. Children taught to hate or children raised in violence commonly become dangerous and destructive adults.
But there is a positive side, too. Children nurtured in kindness learn the value of understanding. Children taught to be self-sufficient, to respect others, to value education and to build life up rather than to tear it down will become adults capable of leading us to a brighter future. For what's done to children, they will do to society.
An unknown author put it succinctly: "A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started. He or she is going to sit where you are sitting and attend to those things that you think are important. You may adopt all the policies you please, but how they will be carried out depends on our young people. They will assume control of your duties, states and nation. They are going to move in and take over your churches, schools, universities and corporations. All your books will be judged, praised or condemned by them. The fate of humanity is in their hands. So it might be well to pay young people attention."
What are we doing to our children?
– Steve Goodier
Sep 11, 2014
Driving Away the Shadows
How do you drive away shadows?
Apparently, when Abraham Lincoln was fatally shot at Ford's Theatre in Washington, D.C., he was carrying two pairs of spectacles and a lens polisher, a pocketknife, a watch fob, a linen handkerchief, and a brown leather wallet containing a five-dollar Confederate note as well as several newspaper clippings on the Lincoln presidency.
The newspaper articles are a curiosity. Why did he carry them with him? The eight clippings found in his pockets were largely positive portrayals of his leadership, but the president was not egotistical. In fact, if we know anything about Lincoln, we know that humility was one of his most attractive virtues. Many historians stress that his possession of these clippings was less proof of a president's ego than of a man who needed reassurance. The recently-ended war had been long and costly. His re-election campaign had also been a difficult slog. Lincoln rarely knew a day without public criticism. The newspaper articles would have been affirming to him.
Historians are aware that Abraham Lincoln suffered from bouts of serious depression. Could it be that in those "dark nights of the soul," when despair settled over his mind like a cold and heavy snow, that he could reach into his pocket and find hope? Could it be that these words reminded him of what he had dedicated his life to, the good he had tried to do and the lives he had affected?
Francis of Assisi once said, "A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows." Maybe each newspaper article was a sunbeam that he collected and kept with him.
Have you collected sunbeams? Have you saved away letters and mementos that warm your heart and encourage you when you need a lift? They can drive away many a dark shadow.
Dale Carnegie tells us this: “You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”
Here is little habit that can make a big difference. Send sunbeams. Intentionally send a word of encouragement or appreciation every day to one person. Plan ahead. Keep open to those who need a lift. A letter, card or email will suffice. Or a phone call. It can be short, but must be personal and it must be sincere.
Occasionally you'll learn what a difference your communication made. Sometimes you won't. But know this – as you drive away the world's shadows you will also fill your life daily with a little more joy.
– Steve Goodier
Apparently, when Abraham Lincoln was fatally shot at Ford's Theatre in Washington, D.C., he was carrying two pairs of spectacles and a lens polisher, a pocketknife, a watch fob, a linen handkerchief, and a brown leather wallet containing a five-dollar Confederate note as well as several newspaper clippings on the Lincoln presidency.
The newspaper articles are a curiosity. Why did he carry them with him? The eight clippings found in his pockets were largely positive portrayals of his leadership, but the president was not egotistical. In fact, if we know anything about Lincoln, we know that humility was one of his most attractive virtues. Many historians stress that his possession of these clippings was less proof of a president's ego than of a man who needed reassurance. The recently-ended war had been long and costly. His re-election campaign had also been a difficult slog. Lincoln rarely knew a day without public criticism. The newspaper articles would have been affirming to him.
Historians are aware that Abraham Lincoln suffered from bouts of serious depression. Could it be that in those "dark nights of the soul," when despair settled over his mind like a cold and heavy snow, that he could reach into his pocket and find hope? Could it be that these words reminded him of what he had dedicated his life to, the good he had tried to do and the lives he had affected?
Francis of Assisi once said, "A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows." Maybe each newspaper article was a sunbeam that he collected and kept with him.
Have you collected sunbeams? Have you saved away letters and mementos that warm your heart and encourage you when you need a lift? They can drive away many a dark shadow.
Dale Carnegie tells us this: “You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”
Here is little habit that can make a big difference. Send sunbeams. Intentionally send a word of encouragement or appreciation every day to one person. Plan ahead. Keep open to those who need a lift. A letter, card or email will suffice. Or a phone call. It can be short, but must be personal and it must be sincere.
Occasionally you'll learn what a difference your communication made. Sometimes you won't. But know this – as you drive away the world's shadows you will also fill your life daily with a little more joy.
– Steve Goodier
Aug 17, 2014
Aug 16, 2014
The First Secret of Success
“It’s not what you are that holds you back,” says entrepreneur Denis Waitley, “it’s what you think you are not.” The evidence leans towards this: Those who believe that they will never do well in a particular area probably never will. Those who believe they are not good at anything will forever feel inadequate. But those who believe that it is possible to succeed at what they attempt can surprise themselves. Let me tell you about a man who learned that important lesson.
Adam was ready to retire. His wife Anna, however, was less enthusiastic. As she explained to a friend, "Adam has never done anything that required physical exertion. He never played golf, mowed the lawn or even washed the windows. When he retires, he will sit in his easy chair and expect me to bring him his food."
But to Anna's surprise, soon after her husband retired, he joined a health club. And one night, when Adam arrived home from exercise class, he announced, "I signed up for the wrestling tournament. I am going to wrestle Friday night."
Anna was shocked. "Please don't do it, Adam," she begged. "You're not in shape. You will be so beat up they will have to carry you home!" However, he couldn't be dissuaded and she told him that if he went through with his "lame idea," she was not going to watch.
True to her word, she stayed away that Friday evening as Adam wrestled. And just as she predicted, two men practically carried Adam home. He lay down on the couch, every muscle strained and bruised. Before she could speak, he sputtered, "Don't say a word, Anna! This is not the worst of it. I won tonight. I have to wrestle again tomorrow night!"
Adam believed he could do it and he did, though, in this case, he didn't think through the consequences of winning. As Dr. Norman Vincent Peale said, "People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success."
The first secret of success: Believe in Yourself. Nothing changes in your life until you believe you can do things that are important to you. And if you have a low opinion of yourself, nobody else is likely to raise it.
Adopt the first secret of success and you might surprise even yourself.
– Steve Goodier
Adam was ready to retire. His wife Anna, however, was less enthusiastic. As she explained to a friend, "Adam has never done anything that required physical exertion. He never played golf, mowed the lawn or even washed the windows. When he retires, he will sit in his easy chair and expect me to bring him his food."
But to Anna's surprise, soon after her husband retired, he joined a health club. And one night, when Adam arrived home from exercise class, he announced, "I signed up for the wrestling tournament. I am going to wrestle Friday night."
Anna was shocked. "Please don't do it, Adam," she begged. "You're not in shape. You will be so beat up they will have to carry you home!" However, he couldn't be dissuaded and she told him that if he went through with his "lame idea," she was not going to watch.
True to her word, she stayed away that Friday evening as Adam wrestled. And just as she predicted, two men practically carried Adam home. He lay down on the couch, every muscle strained and bruised. Before she could speak, he sputtered, "Don't say a word, Anna! This is not the worst of it. I won tonight. I have to wrestle again tomorrow night!"
Adam believed he could do it and he did, though, in this case, he didn't think through the consequences of winning. As Dr. Norman Vincent Peale said, "People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success."
The first secret of success: Believe in Yourself. Nothing changes in your life until you believe you can do things that are important to you. And if you have a low opinion of yourself, nobody else is likely to raise it.
Adopt the first secret of success and you might surprise even yourself.
– Steve Goodier
May 27, 2014
What People Need Is a Good Listening-To
Two psychiatrists met at their 20th college reunion. One was vibrant and enthusiastic. He looked younger than his years. The other appeared withered and fatigued and walked with the stoop of the aged. "So what's your secret?" the tired-looking psychiatrist asked. "Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me."
The younger-looking one replied, "Who listens?"
Unfortunately, that is too often a problem with the rest of us, isn't it? Who listens? I mean, REALLY listens?
I received a letter from a woman who lives in New York. She explained that her 22-year-old electrician son Joe went to Manhattan a few days after the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center buildings. He wanted to volunteer his time, but discovered that his skills were not needed.
But it turns out that Joe was able to help in a way he never anticipated. For on the train ride home, he sat across from a weary firefighter who was also traveling home from the scene of the disaster. The firefighter was covered in what appeared to be "ground zero" dirt and debris. Though Joe could see bits of rock in the man's hair and noticed that his hands were bloody, what worried the young man most was the look in the firefighter's eyes. They appeared lifeless and dull.
Then the man, apparently in shock, began to talk and Joe listened. Joe soon forgot his own disappointment about not being able to volunteer his skills that day as he listened to the gruesome story the firefighter related.
The man told about retrieving a shoe with a foot inside. Joe listened. He talked about cleaning debris from a face, then discovering that this person's body was gone. Joe continued to listen without flinching. He did not react in disgust. He did not judge. He did not interrupt. He just listened.
He listened as the firefighter lamented about the carnage everywhere and about shoes...there were so many shoes, he said. Everywhere...shoes.
Through it all Joe quietly held the man's attention and listened, which is exactly what the rescue worker needed at that moment. And because he listened, the man continued to speak. He talked his pain out, as much as possible. In the presence of a stranger, he tried to put his world back in order, to make sense of the day's chaos. And Joe, for that time at least, helped him carry his unbelievably heavy burden.
That day Joe did not give blood, nor did he use his electrical skills to help with the relief effort. But he did one of the most important things a human can do for another. He gave a stunned and disheartened man his whole attention, and thereby, in a small but vital way, assisted in the work of setting the world right.
Mary Lou Casey says, "What people really need is a good listening-to." It's not always easy. And, at times, it may not be fun. In fact, listening closely to another often turns out to be difficult work. But day in and day out, attentive listening may be one of the most important and satisfying ways we can spend our time.
It's true. What people really need is a good listening-to.
– Steve Goodier
The younger-looking one replied, "Who listens?"
Unfortunately, that is too often a problem with the rest of us, isn't it? Who listens? I mean, REALLY listens?
I received a letter from a woman who lives in New York. She explained that her 22-year-old electrician son Joe went to Manhattan a few days after the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center buildings. He wanted to volunteer his time, but discovered that his skills were not needed.
But it turns out that Joe was able to help in a way he never anticipated. For on the train ride home, he sat across from a weary firefighter who was also traveling home from the scene of the disaster. The firefighter was covered in what appeared to be "ground zero" dirt and debris. Though Joe could see bits of rock in the man's hair and noticed that his hands were bloody, what worried the young man most was the look in the firefighter's eyes. They appeared lifeless and dull.
Then the man, apparently in shock, began to talk and Joe listened. Joe soon forgot his own disappointment about not being able to volunteer his skills that day as he listened to the gruesome story the firefighter related.
The man told about retrieving a shoe with a foot inside. Joe listened. He talked about cleaning debris from a face, then discovering that this person's body was gone. Joe continued to listen without flinching. He did not react in disgust. He did not judge. He did not interrupt. He just listened.
He listened as the firefighter lamented about the carnage everywhere and about shoes...there were so many shoes, he said. Everywhere...shoes.
Through it all Joe quietly held the man's attention and listened, which is exactly what the rescue worker needed at that moment. And because he listened, the man continued to speak. He talked his pain out, as much as possible. In the presence of a stranger, he tried to put his world back in order, to make sense of the day's chaos. And Joe, for that time at least, helped him carry his unbelievably heavy burden.
That day Joe did not give blood, nor did he use his electrical skills to help with the relief effort. But he did one of the most important things a human can do for another. He gave a stunned and disheartened man his whole attention, and thereby, in a small but vital way, assisted in the work of setting the world right.
Mary Lou Casey says, "What people really need is a good listening-to." It's not always easy. And, at times, it may not be fun. In fact, listening closely to another often turns out to be difficult work. But day in and day out, attentive listening may be one of the most important and satisfying ways we can spend our time.
It's true. What people really need is a good listening-to.
– Steve Goodier
Apr 1, 2014
An Important Word to Learn
An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.
Early one Monday when an assistant was reviewing weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic woman recite her name and address and then confidently say, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
Everyone's a comic. (And I love that.) But in another sense, reconciliation IS a difficult word. If not difficult to spell, then difficult to carry out. But it's also an important word.
When my son was eleven years old he came home from school in tears one day. A couple of the older kids had bullied him at the bus stop.
We soon learned that tension had been brewing for some time. For several days there had been taunts, then pushing and shoving. And now the conflict escalated to fists. Rob wanted to stay home from school so he wouldn't have to confront the boys in the future.
We called the school and found great support. "We'll be happy to call the boys' parents," we were told. "And you should call the police."
"We don't know what we will do yet," I said. I felt that calling the police was a resort to be used when everything else failed, and I wanted first to consider other ways of handling the situation. I asked him to hold off calling the boy's parents.
The next day was Saturday. Rob happened to look out the window and said in alarm, "There are the boys who beat me up!" Two older boys were standing in front of our house, as if they were waiting for Rob to step outside.
I immediately began to think of what I wanted to say to them, but my wife Bev, a natural peacemaker, acted first. She opened the door and said with a smile, "Hi guys. Would you like some ice cream?"
They looked at each other in puzzlement. But they were teenagers, after all, so they shrugged their shoulders and one of them said, "Sure. Why not?"
They followed her indoors and Bev promptly introduced herself, Rob's younger brothers and me. She even introduced Rusty the dog. "And I think you already know Rob," she said, pointing to our son. Her idea was to help them to see that Rob was a person, not a target. He had a family; he lived in a neighborhood and even owned a family pet.
Bev drew the boys into conversation while we ate ice cream. After a few minutes, she said, "I know there's been some trouble at the bus stop. I think there may be a misunderstanding."
They nodded that there had indeed been trouble at the bus stop.
She continued, "Maybe we can talk about the misunderstanding so you can be friends."
They nodded their agreement and we talked until the ice cream was finished. Eventually the boys apologized and said there would be no more trouble. And there wasn't. Ever.
The vice-principal of the school called back the following week and asked about the fighting. "Did you call the police?" he asked.
"No, but we've taken care of it," I said.
"What did you do?" he wondered.
I said, "We fed them ice cream."
Reconciliation is a difficult word...a difficult task. But what could be more important? It may be easier to control conflict by force than to persevere and find a way through to harmony and cooperation. Force can stabilize a situation; it can impose a truce. But reconciliation leads to peace, which is a far better outcome.
Blessed are the reconcilers. May they be given all the ice cream they can ever eat!
-- Steve Goodier
Early one Monday when an assistant was reviewing weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic woman recite her name and address and then confidently say, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
Everyone's a comic. (And I love that.) But in another sense, reconciliation IS a difficult word. If not difficult to spell, then difficult to carry out. But it's also an important word.
When my son was eleven years old he came home from school in tears one day. A couple of the older kids had bullied him at the bus stop.
We soon learned that tension had been brewing for some time. For several days there had been taunts, then pushing and shoving. And now the conflict escalated to fists. Rob wanted to stay home from school so he wouldn't have to confront the boys in the future.
We called the school and found great support. "We'll be happy to call the boys' parents," we were told. "And you should call the police."
"We don't know what we will do yet," I said. I felt that calling the police was a resort to be used when everything else failed, and I wanted first to consider other ways of handling the situation. I asked him to hold off calling the boy's parents.
The next day was Saturday. Rob happened to look out the window and said in alarm, "There are the boys who beat me up!" Two older boys were standing in front of our house, as if they were waiting for Rob to step outside.
I immediately began to think of what I wanted to say to them, but my wife Bev, a natural peacemaker, acted first. She opened the door and said with a smile, "Hi guys. Would you like some ice cream?"
They looked at each other in puzzlement. But they were teenagers, after all, so they shrugged their shoulders and one of them said, "Sure. Why not?"
They followed her indoors and Bev promptly introduced herself, Rob's younger brothers and me. She even introduced Rusty the dog. "And I think you already know Rob," she said, pointing to our son. Her idea was to help them to see that Rob was a person, not a target. He had a family; he lived in a neighborhood and even owned a family pet.
Bev drew the boys into conversation while we ate ice cream. After a few minutes, she said, "I know there's been some trouble at the bus stop. I think there may be a misunderstanding."
They nodded that there had indeed been trouble at the bus stop.
She continued, "Maybe we can talk about the misunderstanding so you can be friends."
They nodded their agreement and we talked until the ice cream was finished. Eventually the boys apologized and said there would be no more trouble. And there wasn't. Ever.
The vice-principal of the school called back the following week and asked about the fighting. "Did you call the police?" he asked.
"No, but we've taken care of it," I said.
"What did you do?" he wondered.
I said, "We fed them ice cream."
Reconciliation is a difficult word...a difficult task. But what could be more important? It may be easier to control conflict by force than to persevere and find a way through to harmony and cooperation. Force can stabilize a situation; it can impose a truce. But reconciliation leads to peace, which is a far better outcome.
Blessed are the reconcilers. May they be given all the ice cream they can ever eat!
-- Steve Goodier
Mar 5, 2014
Before You Speak -- THINK
I read an article about a Texas woman who sued the producers of the now defunct American reality show "Extreme Makeover" for more than one million dollars. The show depicted ordinary men and women undergoing "extreme makeovers" that involved plastic surgery, exercise regimens, hairdressing and wardrobing. Each episode ended with the participants' return to their families and friends, showing the reactions of their loved ones, who had not been allowed to see the incremental changes during their absence.
The woman came to Los Angeles to be a contestant on the show after undergoing a series of medical exams to determine if her crooked teeth and droopy eyes could be fixed and her small breasts enhanced. They determined she might be a good candidate for their extreme makeover techniques and signed her on.
To prepare for the show, the producers sent a crew to her home to interview the woman and her family. The suit claims the Extreme Makeover crew manipulated the contestant's sister into making blunt and cruel statements on camera disparaging her sister's looks, presumably for more dramatic effect on television.
But the night before the woman's makeover was to begin, the show's producers told her it would take too long for work on her jaw to heal and she would not be able to participate as a makeover recipient. They canceled her appearance and she returned home to her distraught sister who had made the hurtful remarks. The sister was so upset over what she had said, she eventually took her life, according to the suit. The lawsuit was eventually settled out of court.
There are few things in this world as powerful as words. Too late this family learned that, once hurtful words have been spoken, they can never be retrieved.
We're told that architect Frank Lloyd Wright had his own ideas on the power of words. He once said, “I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.” (That gives me pause each time I sit down to write.)
But words alone can effect great good as well as evil. A few apt words have swept candidates into office, ended as well as started wars, paved the way for peace and carried with them both hope as well as despair. Words alone have ruined lives, but have also brought forth healing. It is well known the harm words can cause, but the good they can bring is equally impressive.
Your words of encouragement at the appropriate time can lift a person from hopelessness or build a lasting bridge of friendship. They seem little things, but carry with them tremendous power.
Here is some of the best advice I've come across concerning how we use words.
Before you speak (before you write): THINK.
T is it True?
H is it Helpful?
I is it Inspiring?
N is it Necessary?
K is it Kind?
Your words have immeasurable power. Use them with care.
– Steve Goodier
The woman came to Los Angeles to be a contestant on the show after undergoing a series of medical exams to determine if her crooked teeth and droopy eyes could be fixed and her small breasts enhanced. They determined she might be a good candidate for their extreme makeover techniques and signed her on.
To prepare for the show, the producers sent a crew to her home to interview the woman and her family. The suit claims the Extreme Makeover crew manipulated the contestant's sister into making blunt and cruel statements on camera disparaging her sister's looks, presumably for more dramatic effect on television.
But the night before the woman's makeover was to begin, the show's producers told her it would take too long for work on her jaw to heal and she would not be able to participate as a makeover recipient. They canceled her appearance and she returned home to her distraught sister who had made the hurtful remarks. The sister was so upset over what she had said, she eventually took her life, according to the suit. The lawsuit was eventually settled out of court.
There are few things in this world as powerful as words. Too late this family learned that, once hurtful words have been spoken, they can never be retrieved.
We're told that architect Frank Lloyd Wright had his own ideas on the power of words. He once said, “I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.” (That gives me pause each time I sit down to write.)
But words alone can effect great good as well as evil. A few apt words have swept candidates into office, ended as well as started wars, paved the way for peace and carried with them both hope as well as despair. Words alone have ruined lives, but have also brought forth healing. It is well known the harm words can cause, but the good they can bring is equally impressive.
Your words of encouragement at the appropriate time can lift a person from hopelessness or build a lasting bridge of friendship. They seem little things, but carry with them tremendous power.
Here is some of the best advice I've come across concerning how we use words.
Before you speak (before you write): THINK.
T is it True?
H is it Helpful?
I is it Inspiring?
N is it Necessary?
K is it Kind?
Your words have immeasurable power. Use them with care.
– Steve Goodier
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